Time Out Of Time….

Don’t let that 4 Wheeler cost you any more than necessary

Here, then, are ways you can waste money on your car.

Premium gas instead of regular. Buy the cheapest gasoline that doesn’t make your car engine knock. All octane does is prevent knock; a grade higher than the maker of your car recommends is not a “treat.”

3,000-mile oil changes. Manufacturers typically suggest 5,000 miles, 7,500 miles or even longer intervals between oil changes (many car markers now include oil-life monitors that tell you when the oil is dirty — sometimes as long as 15,000 miles.) There may be two recommendations for oil-change intervals: one for normal driving and one for hard use. If you live in a cold climate, take mostly very short trips, tow a trailer or have a high-revving, high-performance engine, use the more aggressive schedule. If you seldom drive your car, go by the calendar rather than your odometer. Twice a year changes are the minimum.

Taking false economies. Better to replace a timing belt on the manufacturer’s schedule than to have it break somewhere in western Nebraska. Better to pop for snow tires than to ride that low-profile rubber right into a tree.

Using the dealer’s maintenance schedule instead of the factory’s. Of course he thinks you should have a major tune-up every 30,000 miles. Most of the tasks that we generally think of under the heading of “tune-up” are now handled electronically. Stick to the manufacturer’s schedule unless your car is not running well. If your engine doesn’t “miss” — skip a beat or make other odd noises — don’t change the spark plugs or wires until the manufacturer says so.

Using a dealer for major services. Independent shops almost always will do the same work much cheaper. Call around, owner’s manual in hand, to find out, mindful that the quality of the work is more of a question mark. Some dealers may tell you using outside garages violates the car’s warranty. This is a lie.

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Verbal Abuse — By Denise Zink
I hope through this article to help women understand and to identify the signs of verbal abuse. I have discovered, because I was verbally abused, that this is my ministry. I have been wandering through life asking myself what is my purpose as I know we all have a purpose through God. I now know my purpose, my ministry, is to enlighten women about verbal abuse and hopefully to save at least one woman from its grips. I hope to save many but if I save only one then my ministry has fulfilled its purpose. I write this on the eve of a strong day of ministry from a strong woman of faith, a woman saved from the grips of depression and bi-polar disorder. As I listened to her life and her healing I thought, boy what has happened to me isn’t anything compared to the pain and suffering she has endured in her lifetime. Almost to the point of feeling like my thoughts about my ministry may not be necessary. But then she said something, “Pain may be to take you out of your comfort zone to get you where you need to be”. And then I had that “a ha” moment. Yes my pain was to get me where I need to be, to my purpose, my calling. My verbal abuse can be attributed to my wrong choice in the man I married. But, that is another article, for now I just want to take the time to enlighten the readers to the signs of verbal abuse. I don’t claim to be an expert in this field but I have lived being verbally abused and I was fortunate enough to be able to put a title on what happened to me. I feel, through God’s grace, books were placed in my hands, books about verbal abuse. Until I read these books I didn’t know or understand the oppression I was under. When I say I was fortunate I mean that the books gave me knowledge and as the saying goes, knowledge is power. And power is what you have to have to stop the verbal abuse. I highly recommend reading every book by Patricia Evans on this topic. Her first book, and my saving grace, is Controlling People. Another is The Verbally Abusive Relationship. I am currently reading Verbal Abusive Survivors Speak Out.

Do you spend your days with your husband and/or the man in your relationship wondering when the next little thing is going to cause him to “dump” on you? Do you tip toe around hoping to keep things calm? Do you constantly wonder what you are doing wrong to cause your husband to act out to you in a way that is demeaning? Do you treat your husband nicer and nicer in hopes that he will see you are a nice person and start treating you better? Did your husband treat you better when you dated then after you got married? Do you find yourself emotionally troubled to the point of staying sick? Do you find your husband picking fights with you over things that make absolutely no difference about anything in life, like just hearing a news broadcast and you have a different opinion of the broadcast then he? Does your husband treat you wonderful in public, in front of family and friends, but once your home in his safe haven he verbally “attacks” you? Does he drive recklessly with you in the car when he has reached one of his anger moments? Is he inconsiderate of your feelings, wants or desires? Do you feel like your self-esteem has been stolen? Is it your relationship getting you down? If you can relate to any of these situations you need to educate yourself by reading the books I mentioned above. But, you are probably in a verbal abusive relationship. In The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans she provided a research study of women that had been physically abused numerous times to the point of requiring medical attention. The study asked these women what was worse, verbal or physical abuse, and the response was, 100% said verbal abuse was worse than physical abuse. The difference in the two, we don’t have bruises to show and prove the oppression we are under in our life when we are verbally abused as compared to someone physically abused. We have nothing to show outwardly as to what is going on behind those closed doors in our so called safe haven. If we try to tell friends or family what is happening we find it hard to describe. We also have to face the fact that everyone on the outside feels like the abuser is such a “nice” guy, so friendly and outgoing. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a video of what you are enduring in your home so you could show it to those people who would think you’re out of your mind saying that your husband treats you badly.

There are ways to deal with a verbal abuser but know that once you start to stand up for yourself the abuse my get worse because your abuser will feel out of control by recognizing he is loosing control over you. You must recognize that the abuser doesn’t feel anything. They are unable to recognize their oppressive behavior. Know that the abuser speaks the opposite of the truth. And most of all know that no matter what you say to the abuser you will not be right in your feelings or thoughts or needs. Don’t let the abuser draw you into any conversation where you feel like your having to justify yourself or the situation. You will get no where. And being nicer to them just empowers them more. The nicer you are the more the abuse will grow. I think it is that old expression, mistaking niceness for weakness. To quote a section of Verbal Abusive Survivors Speak Out on Relationship and Recovery by Patricia Evans, “93% of those who were in verbally abusive relationships were able to recognize that the abuser’s behavior grew worse over time- more abusive, and angrier.” You can try looking at your abuser and just saying Stop. Don’t respond in any other way, just say Stop. There are many ways to deal with the attacks and they are described in Patricia Evan’s books. A must read if you think you are in a verbal abusive relationship. You are in no way responsible for your abusers behavior. He will try every way to make you feel responsible for all the bazaar behavior that is directed towards you. But stand strong and become empowered. Learn all you can about verbal abuse.

The hardest thing is getting out of the relationship. Your self-esteem has been stolen and you need to make yourself whole again. I can tell you that if you do get out of the relationship you will feel the pain. I have tried to put my finger on why, even though I know God has guided me through all of this, why that “pain” can be so strong when I have the knowledge to know what has happened. The only answer that makes sense for me and my situation is that fact that it is the spirit that is broken. Rebuilding your spirit is a feeling that is beyond words. But I have come to my own way to summarize the pain of rebuilding your spirit. That pain is actually rebuking the devil that entered your spirit to try to destroy you as a child of God. The pain of God helping you in the fight against the devil and pushing the devil out or your spirit, replacing evil with good. Taking back His child and helping make her whole again. Know that God is the reason you are reading this article. Know that you are, from this day forward, going to begin the walk towards creating a whole person again. If you have been in your relationship for 1 year or 40 years you are on the beginning of being empowered. If you have been in your situation for a short period of time don’t wait thinking things will get better. Don’t loose your life to the misery.

I have spent time with a Christian Councilor since my separation and have been given emotional support and guidance with the counseling. I was asked to write a letter to my ex-husband. Here is a brief portion of that letter:

“You tried to intimidate me and it worked for a while. I had to stop the treatment you gave to me. I had to stop the out bursts; I had to stop it all before you totally destroyed me. I had to start standing up for myself. Trying to reason with you from love only didn’t work. I was entitled to stand up for myself. You sucked the life out of me. You stole part of my spirit and self-esteem. You tried playing mind games with me on all accounts. You gave me the, I love you, I don’t love you games. Who would have thought that with all in this world that is bad, that I needed to protect myself, my heart, my spirit and all that is good from my own husband. Who would have ever thought that my life could be destroyed by the man that shared my bed? Who would have ever thought that evil can disguise itself in the most sacred place, your own home?”

If you in any way feel that you may be a victim of verbal abuse I hope you have become enlightened by this article and I pray that you educate yourself further so you can begin to release yourself from your oppressor. Patricia Evans offers phone counseling. Her website is: www.PatricaEvans.com.

Denise Zink

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The aging of America’s baby boomer women is the most urgent issue facing our nation in the 21st century. Check out the below:

  1. While women are the majority of older Americans, policy makers have often overlooked their needs and long ignored the plight of women approaching retirement with insufficient resources. This needs to change quickly.

  2. The fate of boomer women could be worse than their predecessors, as the boomer women spend more, acquire more debt, and are less likely to have traditional pensions, spousal benefits, or retiree health coverage.

  3. Boomer women who are counting on “home equity extractions” to finance their current life styles and retirement futures may be in for a shock if/when housing values level off and decline. For boomer women, how financially secure they are likely to be as they age will be greatly influenced by their present and future housing choices.

  4. The US healthcare system is failing to meet the healthcare needs of aging boomer women. Women from lower socio-economic groups and racial/ethnic minorities are most vulnerable. American women live an average of 79.9 years, more than four years longer than men. Yet, according to the World Health Organization’s healthy life expectancy measure, American women are 29th in the world.

  5. Making retirement money last for life is essential for boomer women because their savings are smaller than men’s, yet must last over longer life spans. Social Security protects against financial risks that retirees face: it pays benefits for life; the benefits keep up with inflation; widows’ benefits are automatic; and retirees do not bear investment risk. The Bush Administration’s proposal for personal accounts do not cover these risks.

  6. If differences in poverty rates by sex, marital status and race continue, overall poverty rates among aging boomer women will considerably increase among future boomer retirees. Compared with male retirees, boomer women will have lower wealth and incomes, higher poverty rates, and a larger share whose incomes are below 45 percent of the average national wage.

  7. Trends indicate that many boomer women will be working well into their 60s and beyond, challenging the concept of a traditional retirement age at 65. About 50% of all women are and will be working in low-paying jobs without pensions or other employer-sponsored retirement savings plans of any kind.

  8. Boomer women as a group earn less than many men. In addition to increased housing expenses, a growing proportion of retiring boomer women will have to pay for their retirement health benefits. Given these facts, many boomer women will face daunting savings challenges before they reach retirement age. From 2020 to 2030, when older boomer women will be 64 to 74, they are projected to face an income shortfall of at least $400 billion dollars.

  9. Social Security and pension plans are designed to work well for people with stable career employment, but not for those boomer women who interrupted their work years to care for children or loved ones. Women’s life histories and the way they interact with employer-sponsored benefit plans, individual savings and insurance plans, Social Security, and other social safety net programs often create financial shortfalls.

  10. Boomer women are waking up to the fact that they will need more money than they thought to live comfortably in their later years, and will view work as a transition to or an integral part of their retirement. Given the enormous gains in health and life expectancy, working longer is the only logical way for many women boomers to acquire much needed income.

  11. Women’s increased participation in the workforce does not necessarily translate into a better retirement for most boomer women. Women need more retirement income but they usually have less — women working full-time are still earning only 76 percent of what men earn.

  12. Women boomers will enter retirement with substantially different characteristics than women retirees of previous generations. They are more likely to be divorced or never married, but have greater education and stronger labor force participation. Despite the gains in their economic status, boomer women will receive relatively less from the retirement income system than their predecessors.

  13. More than half of working women do not have access to pensions or other retirement plans. And those who are fortunate enough to have access to health and retirement plans are now contributing to those plans out of their smaller paychecks leaving them less money to save for the future.

  14. For boomer women and those who follow them, it is important that women establish their own earnings records as early in their careers as possible. Despite the national trend of one parent families, the Social Security system rewards the old-fashioned family norm of the bread winner husband and the homemaker wife best.

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Some info for us bommers:

In today’s ever changing job market, not only have the types of jobs offered changed, but so have the individuals who make up the current workforce. Many older workers are opting to continue working instead of retiring.If you’re one of these seasoned professionals, how do you keep your edge and stay fresh and vibrant in today’s fast paced employment atmosphere?

1. Be trendy
Follow job market trends. Older workers must keep their finger on the pulse of the labor force by asking themselves, ‘What jobs are in demand today?’ and by keeping up with today’s technology, particularly computer technology.
2. Get wired
Know your computer. Updating general office skills, especially computer skills, is crucial, “particularly since many employers assume that mature workers lack skills in this area. Having the basic computer skills that allow you to function in the workplace is essential.” That means being comfortable with:

  • Navigating the Internet
  • E-mail and its applications
  • Word processing
  • PowerPoint
  • Excel spreadsheets

3. Go back to school
Fill in the gaps with education. If you lack in any area of demand, especially computer skills, remember it’s never too late for more education. Many instructional courses are offered at your local community college, library or neighborhood association. “Lifelong learning is an important aspect of professional growth. Assessing your skills and determining whether there are any gaps will help identify potential areas for additional education,” Russell says.
# 4. Opportunity knocks
Take advantage of chances to learn all around you. Besides attending classes, a good way to gain new skills is to be on the lookout for learning opportunities right at work. Is someone going on vacation whose job is outside your normal realm of responsibilities? Perhaps you can volunteer to cover for them and learn a little about what they do. Or volunteer for temporary assignments that you wouldn’t normally handle.

5. Update your résumé
If you are looking to make a change to a new position, you need to get current on the latest resume trends. Like anything else, résumé styles change over time. The résumé is a vital tool in helping any worker articulate the qualifications and experience they can bring to a potential position. Russell says often “employers are more interested in the skills you bring to a job versus how many years you worked for a particular employer. It gives them a snapshot of your capabilities and if you in fact possess the skills they’re looking for.” So make your résumé skill-driven and results-oriented, showcasing your management skills and sales accomplishments, instead of merely providing a litany of dates, titles and responsibilities from past positions.

6. Bond
Talk to others in your same situation. Don’t despair; there are organizations that offer support groups for older workers to discuss the challenges they’ve faced and learn new strategies to overcome them. The Operation ABLE Network is composed of agencies across the United States that focus on meeting the needs of mid-career workers and job seekers. Check your local phone book for the Operation ABLE chapter in your area.