Ride The Lifetrain w/Chuckie

It was all I could do to convince your mother to give me access to your place this week to set things up. I had to take her to lunch everyday this week. At the last minute she finally let me in. As my heart rate and self-respect begin to return to normal, I turned my thoughts to preparing the “perfect” date. The Theme “Return to Prom Night”. Who says you can’t relive a memory!

6:PM
As you enter your abode, you find a note attached to your door. It reads, “hey little fox”, “don’t be alarmed Mom and I were here” …”C”. “you’ve heard the term, “follow the yellow brick road?”, well follow the Red Rose Petal road (Which leads you to your bedroom where you find three boxes on the bed. Now depending on where you are with Chuckie’s Challenge, one of these will fit. A petite, a mid-size, or the last one from Ms. Bryant’s shop. Matters not to me which one (Black Dress) fits. It’s cool that at this point in life, it’s all about companionship, gone are the shallow days of the perfect 10 on the outside, it only matters that you are a 10 on the inside. “What!” you thought I was kidding about the black dress. I picked it out, it’s a pretty backless number and I’m sure you will be “Da Bomb!”.

6:20
What’s that smell you say. It’s coming from the bathroom (I just made it out the back way just in time). Hot steaming bath run. Candles all around. A bucket of ice with a bottle of your favorite in it and signed pre-release of my book “The Profile” on the rug by the tub. Kiss of life playing (Sade) and then “In the Mood” by the Whispers. A special entry above my signature in the book that will be our little secret. Hey, hold onto this, it may be valuable some day (BIG BELLY CHUCKIE LAUGH!).

6:50
Text message from me “Be ready to answer the door bell at 7:30. PS… Peek under your pillow”. later after doing so…You find the ultimate collection of Godiva…NJOY!

7:30 (On the dot)
A single red rose is handed to you as you answer the door. Harold the driver gently takes your hand and walks you to the stretch Chrysler 300 as if you were his “princess”. He helps you in and gently closes the door. No…chivalry is not dead.

There I sit with my signature stupid boyish smile. Not looking bad either for an old fat guy (sorry Paula) with no money. Tamia’s, “I’m so into you” plays over the surround sound. I’m sitting in front of you (facing limo seats) with my back to the driver (BIG MISTAKE!).

7:40
As I pin the corsage on the strap of your dress I say “Hey sweet, this is your prom night revisited, you game?”. Your smile is priceless, ….wow…is that a tear in your eye?

7:50
…And then it happens…OH “FREAKIN NO!”. Now there are some things I just can’t do. One is ride and read, …I get sea sick..and the other is, I am about to find out…My forehead is breaking out in an all out uncool sweat! What the….I think I am getting sea sick! I am riding backwards in this thing and float…float…float…Bounce…Bounce. I’ll be…Call the POLICE! I think I am about to hurl! I AM NOT GOING HURL!

7:55
Think Fatboy or that black dress is about to be multi-colored. Ok, I got it… mind over matter. I have to concentrate. I recall a story that my sister Katina Barnett sent me earlier this week. I thought it was profound. Hey sweet, lemme tell you a story…

CARROTS, EGGS, COFFEE……?

To all my “coffee” friends. This is just too great not to pass on.

Carrot, Egg and Coffee …. You will never look at a cup of coffee the same
way again…

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things
were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and
wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling.
It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and
placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she
placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed
ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots
out and placed them in a bowl. She pull ed the eggs out and placed them in a
bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and
noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg
and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter
smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity
- boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being
subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid
interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became
hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling
water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knockson your door,
how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain
and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?
Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a break up, a financial
hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my
shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff
spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the
very circumstance that brings the pain. Whe n the water gets hot, it
releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are
at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate
yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean??
It’s easier to build a child than repair an adult

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you
strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t
necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of
everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be
based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of
your past failures and heartaches.

This is so true – may we all be COFFEE

8:15
Thank you Jesus! We made it to the restaurant, my innards intact. I wonder if you are impressed with this Italian restaurant with a name I can’t even begin to pronounce; I have no idea how I am going eat after that ride. Harold lets us out, he marvels at the change in my complexion. He pats me on the back and whisper/chuckles in my ear something about my being olive green, gives me some Tums and tells me not to worry, I am not an anomaly.

8:40
The glass of wine and the Tums kick in and return me to the Lion that I am! You then do some of the sexiest and most intimate things that I have ever experienced. Now, you gotta remember, I am a country boy from Ohio (BUCKEYES BABY!). First, when the waiter places the bread on the table, you butter a roll and place it on my plate. OH SNAP! How cool was that! Then, when the waiter takes our order, I of course let you order first. WHAT DO YOU DO!?! You wink at me and tell the waiter MY HUSBAND will have the veal. ALL DANG…. I wondered why you were so intent about asking me what I was having. …and then…and then…you…oh no you didn’t, you cut my meat…just like my Mommy did…BOY did we get a kick out of that as we shared each other’s meal.

10:30
I think about the day I met the perfect stranger…The sun was shining on you…

Here we are at club “GROWN FOLKS” no Tims or pants hanging off guys butts here. Everybody 30 and up. Old school all the way baby! Hey, does that guy actually have on white gators with a mushroom belt? My kinda place!

The coolest thing is, you are letting me do the Chuckie to my hearts delight laughing and encouraging me to shake, shake, ..Shake, Shake Shake…Shake my Boot-tay, Shake my Boot-tay (What’s left of it anyway – snicker). Why didn’t somebody tell me that your booty goes with age?

Yikes, a slow song…all dang…I try not to look at you as Luther sings “Let me hold you tight, if only for one night…..ALL DANG, you take my hand and pull me onto the dance floor. DANG…DANG…DANG…as Florida Evans (from goodtimes) would say….JAMES…JAMES…JAMES!!! How can I tell you that if you think I can’t fast dance and keep time…HOW AM EYE GONNA DO THIS?

Well, wow…this is kinda DICHE (Nice) you knew that I was challenged in this area didn’t you. I don’t know how you did it, but your body just kinda naturally fit…like a glove…and you just kinda led me…led me in a way that I didn’t even feel like my manhood was being challenged. Wow, this is kinda nice. The DJ auto-fades into “Yearning for your Love” by the Gap Band and we don’t miss a beat. All of a sudden, it’s as if everyone has disappeared and it’s just me and you…

Poof! …and just like that the night came to an end… much to soon. As the limo slips through the night, Kem sings, Love calls…

We were the Prom King and Queen tonight…

C–

PS. Next week you’re gonna need to put in for a vacation day… (Wink)

TO MY BOYZ! We’ez off to AZ tomorrow to see the Buckeyes eat some Gator Sammiches! YEAH BABY!