“Well!!” The post about my Dozen eggs (see previous below), a metaphor concerning our wants and needs and my belief that God created us needy by design sparked some really great comments. I want to thank each and everyone of you for taking the time.
Now, let me frame today’s question and its origin. Some of my chicken brother “Boyz” called me on the carpet and told that I was acting weak on this here (Bull “word deleted”) blog! Some said I “played myself” by exposing myself in such a manner publicly. “Needs!”, one of my buddies said, “Negro!” he said, “you betta get a drink and man up!”. They basically said (in spirit) that no woman would be attracted to a man, me…who expressed himself in such a weak, and some of them said womanly manner. One of my buddies even said that “people would mis-interpet the “Wildcat” (our High School mascot and our enduring frat connection) of a man that I was as a …well…how can I put it in a clean…well they referenced a female anatomical part.
Now, the bulk of it was in fun and jest and we had BIG belly laughs; I took the heat like a MAN. And trust me I struggled with the above [explanation of their words] to keep it clean…cause they didn’t…I mean I was clowned! Never the less, I stand “FIRM” by my words and belief in what I said. God created us needy and with the need to not only commune with him (the Holy Trinity), but amongst ourselves. AND…I will not allow my chums to de-rail the train! I shall persevere on…Daily…well almost daily (smile).
Anyway, I would like to poll with this question. Should a man have to perpetrate true manhood by being stone faced, non-communicative and hide thoughts and feelings? Do women find that un-attractive and judge that a man is weak if he is prone to expressing what is on the heart and mind. This conductor would like to know…
I think expressing oneself, in any medium, is the bravest thing a person can do. You don’t know what the results are going to be and you put it out there anyway. One who is willing to face his fears to find his truth. I think that takes REAL courage. Now to do it on the world wide web for anyone to see that takes REAL mettle!!!!
I think you are showing real strength here Conductor, the alternative to examining your feelings and expressing them is to just pretend and in my humble opinion that is cowardice way to live.
That being said, I think the skill in this would require you to express yourself to anyone but expose yourself to those you trust. That will not guarantee your safety but you can then at least count the cost.
I for one am glad that you have chosen this medium, otherwise I would not have been able to take this ride with you and my co-passengers. And I must admit, I am enjoying the ride. Thanks.
Peace & Blessings,
Truth
You my dear, have madeth my dayeth! Thanks and please continue to Ride this Train called life with me here on earth. And wave at me with a smile when we get to heaven as we throw crowns of glory at the master’s feet.
With much humility and love…
Chuckie
Don’t change my conductor friend. True personhood (man or woman) requires that we show who we are if we are to thrive. I believe that we have so many dysfunctional relationships because too much “masking” goes on in the name of “manning” or “woman-ing (?)” up!! Perhaps your willingness to be so open that you can publicly admit to being vulnerable and needy scares the you-know-what out of your “boyz”. Deep down I’m willing to place a bet that they wish they had the kuhunahs to be that transparent. Kudos to you for truly keeping it real!!
There is so much freedom in honesty. Some of us live a lifetime without experiencing it. Oh we stand alone often when we fess up but oh well the majority of the times you’re dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. Remember all of those old cliché’s? Honesty is the best policy…. The truth hurts…. etc, etc. Last year I tried to pursue a relationship being open & honest and no strings attached. Still didn’t work but I can live with myself no shame because even when I offered the world it still wasn’t good enough? It’s not good enough not me!!!! So I dare you to be real you’ll get hurt a lot but you grow and learn so much about yourself. Lastly the famous line from “A Few Good Men” “you can’t handle the truth” is almost the gospel when it comes to relationships…….
I have never been remotely attracted to the “strong, silent typeâ€. I don’t like to have to drag conversation out of ANYONE (particularly my man!) and be constantly wondering what he’s thinking, is he mad, etc. because he’s unable to communicate his feelings, thoughts and needs to me verbally. I find that type of man to be mentally exhausting!
I much prefer a man who is willing to open himself up to me and express himself freely. I want to provide my man that “safety net†in the knowledge that he can allow himself to be vulnerable in my presence without judgment. For me, it’s very sexy for a man to be willing to reveal himself and allow his vulnerabilities to show. Only a REAL man can do this, because of the role we place upon the men in our society…they are assumed to be stoic, emotionally unavailable and uncommunicative, and it’s much easier (and safer!) to adhere to this stereotype, as some of your friends do. Perhaps our society has inadvertently caused our men to become this way as a result of the expectations that we place upon them.
So sure, there’s always the possibility that this openness won’t be appreciated by some women, but in order to connect on a deeply intimate level, both partners must be willing, and more importantly, ABLE, to share this level of emotional depth.
Chuckie, you’re true to this–not new to this. Ye-ah! I’m going on to unite with you some more. Stay true, dude.
Chuckie, I just want to say, I’ve never gotten the chance to talk with you, but to say a hello–what a shame. But, now, I’m glad that it wasn’t too late. You and Carla have made my day. Just thinking about Carla. I used to watch her. It seemed, and I know He did, God gave her an unearthy self, I mean a heavenly self, and you have that same Person.
Tell me about some of those who have influenced your life, or who didn’t, if you wish.
I’ll be coming to the library to use the computer.
You do have a love of your own, and It-He will always be there for you. If I don’t see you down here, for now, then–there, and back, again–this way to a permanent love.
Love you, Chuckie.
Don’t take people more serious than you take God. Sometimes we just don’t know what we’re doing or know what we have.
Thank you for taking the time to minister to all of us. I really do appreciate your truth and love.
Thanks, Chuckie.
Caring, for ever,
Nina
Nina! Wow gurl…how long has it been? And just how far do we go back!!!! Man…so great to see you here on the Train. Now that we’ve fount-ted each other again, let’s not break the chain again!
When I’m home I stop in on the neighborhoods and think of us ALL! Thank God we made it thus far.
I tell ya…neva know who you’ll run into on the train!
Love ya gurl
Gurly Man you are not weak, I suppose. But you are awfully in touch with your feminine side…lol. Your
“angels” appreciate your candidness and willingness to put yourself “out there”. My day to day concerns are more secular and too often I find myself “in church” when I come to your blog. That is why I may not frequent as much as you might like. That….and I don’t blog.
If, in the course of a day, week, month or year, you touch or reach one person and cause them to channel better energy into their personnel relationships or their relationship with Christ, your work is justified and should not be defended to haters or naysayers.
We all would like a man who is in touch with what we call the feminine side. Thats in a perfect world!!! We all want 3 types of men in our lives preferrably that Main Man has the character of all 3. I am old fashioned sorry but I need to know that my man is strong and has my back like I have his. I dont want to go to the movies to see Beaches and you are crying more than me.
Well…I never saw Beaches…but I have to admit, I did cry once back in June of 1937.
Chuckie — don’t be ashamed of your sensitive side. I say let it all out and that most women appreciate a man that can express his feelings…
Sensitive side? in touch with your feminine side? I don’t understand all that. Why do we put so much pressure on men( and ourselves) when it comes to their emotions? We want our man to be strong…but as soon they show the most strength by being vulnerable and open about their feelings, we call them weak and ‘in touch with their feminine side’…does that not make them want to keep all their feelings hidden even more? Strength can be shown in soooo many ways…knowing wehn to be silent, when to be open, when pour out all your inner most feeligs, and when to guard your heart by not expressing them. We know that from out of the heart the mouth speaks, so if it is in your heart it will eventually come out…good, bad, sensitive, or not.
Blessed Conductor~
How can one call the Strength of openness and expression a weakness?
I say you; was Jesus weak? I say not.
AMEN HELEN OF TROY! My beautiful Lawyer Lady Friend!