I felt like some got this the first time and some didn’t quite see what I was saying. So I thought I’d recycle to see if there are any other perspectives.
Well passengers, true to my word…Let’s continue to discuss the subject of relationships this week. Today I’d like to share one of my Chuckie-isms with you. In my own mind I’d like to be remembered as one of the great philosophizers of our time. HEY!!! Stop laughing…on the Net everyone can be a star (LOL!).
Anyway, today I’d like to talk about eggs, my eggs. When I meet someone that I think I might be seriously interested in I have to consider a couple of things.  First will there be rejection, and can I trust this person with my eggs. Let me share, I have these dozen (metaphorically speaking) eggs. On each of these eggs is written one word. These words represent what I need. To share a few there are the words, attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection – and respect, respect for each other’s deepest needs and wishes – Those are the things I look for during the foundation setting phase of a good relationship.
As I age, I now realize that love is not based on the amount of adrenaline we feel coursing through our bodies, but rather, if we find the needs present in some the words written on my(our) eggs. I will know I love someone when I am trusting in that person to give them my dozen eggs to safeguard and I will know they love me when they give me their eggs in return.
As you know eggs are fragile and have to handled with care. Once broken it is impossible to put them back together again as the nursery rhyme goes. Unfortunately, one of the few times I thought I was in love, I think I mistook that first rush of hormones for true love. But that can’t be our ultimate test of whether love is real.
Anyway, learn your eggs, protect your eggs…they are the most valuable 
things you have…once broken…they get harder and harder to replace.
I spoke of rejection earlier. Because fear of rejection is one of the most powerful fears known to man (and woman). It’s like a dream many people have. Basically, you take your eggs and step out onto a tightrope to inch towards a person you want to love. You’re holding your eggs, six in one, six in the other for balance. These are the eggs you plan to give to that special someone. Sometimes, halfway across the rope you realize the person has turned their back on you. You might start to lose your balance, and worst of all, you might feel a little stupid. Finally…you just fall…and then you wake up to reality. Fortunately there is help and hope if you just remember a couple of things…and here comes another Chuckie-ism. As smart boxers do, take the eight count…more on that later. But, basically just accept the fact that you just got knocked down.
What I do, and what I want to share with you, is get up brush off and remember. Realize that you simply must filter out unmotivated, commitment phobic, time wasters. As TD Jakes said, and what I subscribe to is:
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
Well, in closing…you might be wondering where or what is this week’s topic coming from, “Relationships”. I have more than a few close friends going through some things and as your “humble” conductor I just want to send out a few thoughts that keep me going as I wait for my “missing rib” …LOL…The one who will treat my eggs as if they were her own..wink, wink.
All Aboard…The LiFeTrain!
Hmmmmmm…..make sure you don’t have rotten eggs! Just kidding Chun King! This is something to ponder over, though.
This is so beautifully written that it brought tears to my eyes!! Undoubtedly the most significant thing that I took away from this is knowing that we all must be strong enough and confident enough to have a very clear understanding of what we NEED in a relationship, and not settling for less. From a female point of view, many of us are taught from an early age to seek our perfect mate. We dream of having a beautiful wedding, surrounded by our friends and family as we promise to love “until death do us partâ€, and ride off into the sunset with our Prince Charming, fully expecting to live happily ever after with our
2.5 kids, dog and picket fence. As young girls, we create a list of what characteristics we WANT him have…what we HOPE he will be like. Often times our list is very broad and somewhat scattered. These images set us up for failure in the relationships that we have as adults because it allows too many undesirable men into our lives. So when we meet someone, we try to make him “fitâ€, and end up settling for someone who only has some of what we want, and very little of what we truly need. Such marriages are doomed to fail because we settled, (for the sake of having a man, because any man is better than no man, right?!?! LOL) rather than maintaining a firm grasp onto what we NEED in a relationship to make us feel fulfilled, happy and connected.
Psalm 50
14 Offer unto God thanksgiving; and pay thy vows unto the most High:
15
And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.
God Bless,
In Jesus Name,
Annette Figueroa
Ummm. You are crazy, Chuckie. You better put them eggs in a crate with some bubble wrap and get off that tight rope! LOL. Wow that is a visual of the most pensive state of being I can imagine.
At the risk of sounding like a holy roller I am going to have to say that I have learned that the best place for my eggs is with God. Let’s face it, God did not promise us that we would find anyone to carry our eggs in His word. So I would hate for you to be standing on that tight rope waiting and balancing indefinitely. You run the risk (high) of getting tired, dropping your own eggs and before you know it you will have fallen off the rope too. I think knowing WHAT your eggs(needs) are and giving them over to God to keep for you, is a much safer place for them to be. That way even if NO ONE comes along you are whole and your eggs are safe and taken care of.
Let’s be real we know now through experience that even when YOU choose some to carry your eggs b/c you thing they will care for them as you would; we are often disappointed. The truth is I don’t think anyone else is even really supposed to have that responsibility. I mean using your analogy how are you going to hold anybody else’s eggs if you have your own. One (at least) of them eggs is going to fall you just can’t hold your eggs and somebody else’s too. No one is physically, emotionally capable of doing that. …Just a thought.
Peace and Blessing,
Truth
My, oh my…well, as stated above this is definitely one to ponder. God is soooo incredibly, unphathomly (sp?) amazing. What an amazing creator He is. I was reading some C.S Lewis last night (really, I was), and I thought that that was deep…Well Chuckie, you definitely have me thinking/feeling just as strongly as Mr. Lewis did about God, myself, and relationships. It is such a challenge to allow ourselves to be open/ vulnerable to the possibilities of hurt in relationships, but we have to in order to experience the wonders of one(a relationship). Is it fear, lack of trust?…Now, we know that God is not give us the spirit of fear, so why do we allow it to keep us from experiencing what He created us for?…to be in relationship with Himself and others…Now back to what I was reading last night (C.S Lewis)…there was a chapter titled ‘The Good Infection’ and it was quite interesting. Lewis was discussing the 3 person God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit), and he referred to how we as christians relate to each other as the ‘good infection’…that joy, and peace…the love that we share with each other…the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Now I may not be expressing this very clearly, but all I know is that I love communing with God in prayer, and in worship, and I also think that when we love one another that we also bring glory to him…He does not want us to operate in fear. I am all about protecting my eggs, but how else will we know that someone will care for our eggs if we don’t first place the egg into their care. Mistakes are made in all relationships…they can not be avoided. However, there is someone who is willing and able to do all that they can to keep our eggs from any hurt, or harm. Trust God with your eggs…pray and love…
Let’s infect each other…with God’s Love!!!!!
Wow…I just read comment no. 4…that is amazingly said. Praise the Lord!
Thanks to all, well said by all! At the risk of being argumentative, I still feel that unless you are a nun or priest, you will inevitably have to place your eggs with someone and trust that God will touch that person’s heart to “Do the right thing” (free will). I hold to the fact that we were designed needy and that we have needs that we were designed to receive from the opposite sex.
I would ask that if possible you guys consider taking a look at a called, “everyone’s normal…until you get to know them” by (pastor) John Ortberg.
There are no normal people, pastor Ortberg (If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat; The Life You’ve Always Wanted), and the sooner Christians accept this disquieting truth, the healthier they and their churches will be. In this mediocre treatise on Christian community, Ortberg implicates Christians who are constantly on the run and on the most superficial terms with their fellows. Citing numerous biblical stories where Jesus turned the tables on foes and drew in unlovable and undesirable people, Ortberg nicely communicates his passion for seeing past external appearances and delving deeply into people’s hearts and souls. Christians, he says, must learn to communicate on Jesus’ terms; they should practice unconditional love, strive for authenticity and build mutual trust. While Ortberg warns readers to be circumspect with personal disclosure, he contends that the modern Christian church has failed miserably in biblical communication, especially in loving confrontation. Still, the overall message of this book is upbeat, as Ortberg reminds readers of the positive aspects found in solid relationships, which he names as genuine forgiveness, deliberate inclusion and heartfelt gratitude. While this message is ageless.
Some of this is really deep. I agree with all who said to put your eggs in the hands of God. Sometimes though, it is like with when life gives you lemons; make lemonade. The same with those eggs; scramble them suckers and make an omelette.
With those eggs in the hands of God, let him work out everything and believe me; He will!
Keep up the good work.! AC
I get your analogy Chuck but like writer number four, I’m not with it.
First, we are all trying to live a life while essentially juggling what eggs we have. Some are aspects of ourselves that we’ve pretty much mastered (our charm, attentiveness, manners etc)…these are the sturdier ones…even our worst critics would say, “Yeah, he’s got that. Can’t fault him for that”; others are things that we are, at times, in lesser command of (finances, temper, jealousies etc.)….how many of us, have been “raised” financially and emotionally deeply effects the course of a new relationship………… and lastly, still others, are things that are flawed about ourselves that, if truth be known, are cracked, if not crackable, when we “present” them in a new relationship. No fault to the other person….we all have our own fissures that we don’t quite mention with the same volume of our better characteristics.
Bottom line, if all of our own eggs were perfectly cared for, by US, then helping someone else out with their weaker points would be more easier. We want someone to complement the lives that we have or haven’t made for ouselves. And while I think that my own great complement is with someone else, each day I wrestle with the things within me that present me with the same frustrations and disappointments that I find when I “autopsy” a relationship that didn’t work out.
As I get me more right, each new relationship makes that much more sense. Hopefully, one day I…and then WE will get it right.
Hello All:
I must say that I agree with Michael. We often look at relationships for what we can RECIEVE from our potential “companion” (as my dear grandmother would phrase it} instead of examining what we, ourselves, will truly GIVE, to be an added value in the life of another. We need to fully search and examine ourselves and ask God to fix anything that shouldn’t be. We can then proudly present ourselves in a relationship with another, keeping their best interest
as well as our own, at heart. I often wonder how many marriages would exist, if they were truly meant to be.
This serves to look at our spiritual connections with our Heavenly Father. Instead of seeking the hand of God for what He can do for me, I must turn instead to ask “God what can I do for You today”
I can really get long winded with this subject so I’ll cut it short and get off of my soap box for now.
By the way, checkout these relationship Webcast: RealTalk/Realtime at http://realife360.com
Let me know what you think about the forum and topics.
Be Blessed
Tonya
trcolvin@hotmail.com
I agree with the theme of what writer #4 and Michael said. In an ideal world our “eggs” would be perfect and we would offer unto the other person only positive attributes. Since we live in a fallen world as Michael noted we have some sturdier eggs, but many that are cracked or crackable. Secular Humanism says find answers in every place except for the power of God and the Holy Spirit. It says to examine our minds and use “mind over matter.” Just change your thoughts. It says to use the power of intention (The Secret) and “will” what we want to come our way.
But when we examine Jesus we see that none of that was at work. He being God in the form of a man waited on God the Father. Relationships are soooooo…. difficult. Christians as well as non-christians struggle to find meaning. We definitely have needs that we’d like to have met and our mate should be our missing rib or complement, but Eve wasn’t perfect and probably didn’t get an A+ in the egg holding department either! As I grow older I think we definitely learn from each failed relationship. After the dusk clears we can look at ourselves and the other person and exam what really happened. We can get a little more honest with ourselves about what will really bring us joy and peace and contentment in a relationship and we can give all of it the eggs, the hurts, the failures to God. We aren’t perfect and we need each other, but there’s NO place like the arms of the Father. The Presence of God…..is the ONLY place where all the eggs no matter what their condition are completely and totally safe. Just another thread to a really interesting discussion.
I must say that this discussion is quite interesting. It seems that this discussion is somewhat like an onion (remember the onion discussion in Shrek)…there seems to be many layers to this discussion. Layer 1.) Eggs…our needs/requirements Layer 2.) Trust… Layer 3.) Fear (of being hurt, of rejection, etc.) Layer 4.) God’s role and Layer 5.) our role ……
Now, what to do with this onion…that is the question. It seems that most of the comments are focusing on Layer 4…We all know that the only place our eggs are truly completely safe is in God’s hands…but when the other 2 people in the relationship are so flawed…we all fall short, how do we approach relationships without fear?
Great Comment Tabitha! The way you separated out the issues (layers) brings clarity to the complexity of this issue. It caused me to examine my own experience and outlook in a different light.
I see now that my view does well with layers 1,4 and 5 (as it pertains to layer 4). I would have no problem identifying my needs or communicating and trusting GOD with them. My role as it pertains to God is simply (not)to submit my need to him and trust him to take care of it. However, when we look at layers 2 and 3 which require us to vulnerable and open with flawed beings to meet our God given need to commune with others (which I suspect is the conductor’s true question), I realize that layer 3 is the real cause of the imbalance in my original view. If you overcome the fear of the hurt you will undoubtedly experience from being flawed and being in a relationship with another flawed being, then you can allow yourself to commune with another.
I would like to offer that the next two layers of this onion would then need to be 6) forgiveness and 7)Healing. If you are going to adventure to use layers 2) and 3) with someone other than God you will need these layers remain healthy and whole as well. Layer 7 is really just going back to layer 4.
I guess the scripture Luke 14:28 says it best:
“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it?â€
Guard your heart, count the cost, and trust god to heal the hurts. Easier said than done.
Peace and Blessings,
Truth
Wow…you guys are so the bomb…and pretty DANG smart! I have learn-did a thang or 2!
Chuckie, you asked me to share in this blog from a pastorial stanpoint, so here it goes; We must first understand that relationships were created by God; (1) The relationship between man and his creator, and (2) Then the relationship that goes man to man. The main thing is, no matter what anyone says, without God being the centerpiece of any relationship, it will be unfulfilling and empty. I agree with Tonya when she shared that too many times, we are looking for a relationship where we can recieve and don’t think about giving. the world has taught that you get first, then give, but I would state that in order to truly recieve, you have to give FIRST. I’ll agree that many of us don’t know how to do this (This is why we see the divorce rate as high as it is; even higher in the church.)That’s why we need to go to the one who knows about relationships since He is the creator of it. I would also say that it’s not wise to “give your eggs to someone believing that they will satisfy you; you will be disapointed. However, a true, real relationship the two (male and female; problem with that, go to the Word of God!!!!), each one will work hard to help the other, love the other inspite of the ISSUES WE ALL HAVE, and believe the best from the other. It is said that a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, so for me, in my marriage, if I want to it to last, God and my wife have to be first. There are sacrifices that have to be made, but I have found that if we want something badly enough, we will do whatever it takes to get it. We need to be as serious if we want relationships that will last.
Thanks for the encouraging words. I will get up dust myself off and be alittle wiser about who will be allowed to handle the eggs (LOL). Its not my chosing its Gods choice for me from now on.
Blessed Conductor~
Pastor Darryl Simmons could not have stated his Anointed comment on your presented topic more Beautifully.
Therefore, I concur.
Once again…Thanks to all who contributed their thoughts on this post. It has been a privilege to converse with you guys on this topic.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to PROSPER you and NOT to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart, and lean not on your OWN understanding; In ALL your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Prov 3:5-6
I believe God knows what is best for me. And as I seek HIM, and TRUST HIM, He will give me a spirit to discern who I can trust my eggs with. Let Go and Let God!
I have had 2 talk 2 my self cause I almost wanted 2 stop getting up.But I know that God will send a man who can hold my good and bad while he’s working on me.By this fact God looked at Adam and said it’s not good that man should be along so I’m a rib waiting on my side.Hey and by falling I found out that I’m a good woman threw God that is.It has been that anyone who want stop 2 find out who I am has missed a good person;what a lesson learned!!!!!!
Wow…such interesting reading from so many spiritual thinkers.
I am not as spiritual, although I am trying to get there. I love every relationship that I have had, because I have grown and learned from every single one. When they end, they end, and it may be sad, but even in my sadness I have appreciated process and the journey.
Even though I have given my “eggs” to others to hold on to for me, I never expected that anyone would care for what I cherish as well as I do.
Some have been given that honor for a short time, and some a longer time, but I truly believe my eggs were given back to me whole, so that i can try again.
Relationships don’t always work, but those of us seeking a long-term relationship have to stay hopeful and positive because nothing destroys a relationship faster than looking for problems in a potential mate. This does not mean wearing blinders, but it does mean please don’t blame me for what has happened in your past.
Get to know people without assigning blame or hanging characteristics on them that don’t belong to them. Once you’ve gotten to know them, hang in there if you can and if not, thank them for the experience and move on.
Those of you waiting for God to send that person, remember that God helps those who help themselves.
Also, I have been told by men in my past that God sent me to be their next wife. They believed that with their entire heart yet it didn’t happen.
We were not evenly yoked and I did not want the same things they wanted.
I don’t know what the answer is, but I want to continue to try until I get there.