Ride The Lifetrain w/Chuckie

Hey passengers, have you ever asked yourself…Who am I? When I received a severance notice a few years back I had the weirdest revelation. I did not know who I was. I believed what the bible says, and the two shall become one; so I immersed myself in that effort thinking that nothing would bring asunder…

After the typical pity party, I decided to set a course to find out who I really am. The man I was had been lost for years trying to make something work that just was not meant to be I guess. Anyway, I found out a few things in my quest to find Little Chuckie again…First, it’s not easy to be yourself. Suddenly thrust into a world all alone I thought, how could I be myself if I didn’t even know myself? Can anyone relate? I suddenly realized that I was not truly connected to who I was. Well, if this has struck a nerve with you as well, read on as I hope I came into some knowledge that may help you or at least spark a few comments on the Train today.

First, I had to forget about what everyone else thought I should do with my new found freedom. I found that the biggest obstacle to finding myself was feeling like I had to mold myself to other people’s expectations. I knew that I didn’t want to further disappoint the people closest to me having failed at one of life’s most trying thing, I remembered that if they really cared about me, they’d want me to be happy–and who finds happiness as a puppet? I knew that as long as I continued to exist to fulfill other people’s ideas of who I should be, I’d never know who I wanted to be. I think Raymond Hull put it very well “He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.”

I found “Solitude!”. I realized that loneliness and solitude are two unrelated things. As I came into the awareness of myself again, I found that I was/am totally cool with me, being me, and understanding that the two aforementioned things are in-fact different. The more I understood solitude, in-part by an AWESOME sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley on solitude, I started to get away from the expectations, the conversations, the noise, the media, and the pressure. I learned to take some time each day to go for a long walk and think….and LOL lose weight, now how cool is THAT!…a double positive! As corney as this may sound I learned to plant myself on a park bench and look. Dang, am I getting old? Am I now one of those old guys with the newspaper, an old sweater and hat, a tuna fish sammich, smelling like Ben Gay sitting in the park? Well, anyway as I said earlier in the week, “WHO CARES!”. Most importantly, I learned that it is NOT un-manly to put my thoughts on paper..I mean screen…and share “Lil Chuckie” with the world! Boy, am I glad I did, what a wonderful group of friends have resulted from this effort; You, my fellow passengers here on the LiFeTrain!

I realized that whatever I was going to do, I needed to move away from anything that distracted me from contemplating my life and where it was now required to go, all alone in a world so cold… Thank God for Jesus and comforter…The Holy Spirit…I now know that even though it was hard…I was never, nor am I ever….alone. I now have to laugh, Because reflecting back…I had to buy some sun glasses and lie about allergies and red eyes for awhile.

Afterwards, I had to act upon my new-found self-knowledge. I picked up those watercolors. Wrote some short stories (as heard and seen on this blog). And…I FOUND MY SMILE AGAIN! I even started cracking jokes again. I learned to open up. I started to tell the truth. “Dear world” I am NOT perfect”. Simply put, I decided what I wanted to be, a writer…And I started doing it! I am so excited because my book project (“The Profile”) is coming together with the help of my manager, Ms. Michelle, an angel on earth and the proud owner of Life Radio Network (CLICK), we are doing the dang thang!

Oh… and why find Little Chuckie. Well this cat had a good and soft heart. He was fun loving, innocent, a bit of a jokester. This dude had no shame; no problems running down the street with a towel tied around his neck, “S” on his chest and saving damsels in distress. Suddenly though, he looked up, he was old, fat, broke and all alone. Suddenly he had a hard heart; and worst of all…lost his smile.

Finally, I have concluded that I had to be ready for dead ends. Finding Little Chuckie is now my journey, not my destination. A lot has been, and will be trial and error. That’s the price you pay in return for the satisfaction you receive: More often than not, I’ve learned that you WILL hit a bump in the road, and sometimes fall flat on your face. The key for me (hopefully us) is to be prepared to understand and accept that this is a part of the process, and commit to getting right back up and starting over. It’s not easy–it never has been for anybody – but I’m learning to see that as a chance to prove how much I want to find myself, I’ll find fulfillment and security in my pursuit.

I hope you understood all this and will join me in finding the little you that “is” you…

As they say “With a child’s heart”.

All aboard…