February 28, 2014

We Are Positively Connected In This Negativity Thing,..

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 12:41 am

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.  Zig Ziglar

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A woman with whom I once worked seemed to talk non-stop and loudly, interrupt incessantly, gossip about whomever wasn’t in the room, constantly complain, and live quite happily in martyrdom.

It seemed nothing and no one escaped her negative spin. She was good at it. She could twist the happiest moment of someone’s life into a horrendous mistake. She seemed to enjoy it too.1

At first, my judgmental mind thought her behavior to be quite inappropriate. I simply didn’t approve of it. But after weeks of working with her, the thought of spending even one more moment in her presence sent me into, well, her world.

Her negativity was infectious. More and more, I found myself thinking about her negativity, talking with others about her negativity, and complaining about her constant negativity.

For a while, though, I listened to her whenever she followed me into the lunchroom or the into the office we shared at the time. I didn’t know what to say, or do, or even think. I was held captive.

I’d excuse myself from the one-sided chit-chat as soon as possible, wanting to someday be honest enough to kindly tell her that I choose not to listen to gossip. Instead, I chose avoidance. I avoided eye contact, and any and all contact. Whenever I saw her coming, I’d get going and make for a quick getaway. I worked hard at it, too.

And it was exhausting because whether I listened to her or not, or even managed to momentarily escape her altogether, I was still held captive by her negativity.

I interacted with her only a handful of times a month, but her negative presence lingered on in my life. And I didn’t like it. But what I didn’t like didn’t really matter—I wanted to look inside myself to come up with a way to escape, not just avoid, a way to just let go of the hold this negativity had on me.

And when I did look within, I saw that I was the one exaggerating the negative. I chose to keep negativity within me even when she wasn’t around. This negativity was mine. So, as with most unpleasant things in life, I decided to own up and step up, to take responsibility for my own negativity. Instead of blaming, avoiding, and resisting the truth, I would accept it. And, somehow, I would ease up on exaggerating the negative.

I welcomed the situation as it was, opening up to the possibilities for change within me and around her.

2I knew all about the current emotional fitness trends telling us to surround ourselves with only happy, positive people and to avoid negative people—the us versus them strategy for better emotional health. I saw this as disconnecting, though. We all have times when we accentuate the positive and moments when we exaggerate the negative. We are all connected in this.

Instead of attempting to continue to disconnect, to avoid being with negativity, while just denying my own, I wanted to reconnect, with compassion and kindness toward both of us.

She and I shared in this negativity together. And once I made the connection, and saw our connection, a few simple, and maybe a little more mindful thoughts began to enter my mind, and my heart. This reconnection would be made possible through love.

And these simple little, love-induced thoughts spoke up something like this:

  • Patience can sit with negativity without becoming negative, rushing off to escape, or desiring to disconnect from those who choose negativity. Patience calms me.
  • And while I’m calm, I can change the way I see the situation. I can see the truth. Instead of focusing on what I don’t like, I can see positive solutions. I can deal with it.
  • I can try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Why might this woman choose or maybe need to speak with such negativity? I can be compassionate.
  • Why does what this woman chooses or needs to say cause me to feel irritated, angry, or resentful? I have allowed her words to push my negativity buttons. I can’t blame her.
  • She doesn’t even know my buttons exist. She’s only concerned with her own needs. I’ve never even told her how much her negativity bothers me. I see what truly is.
  • I see that we are both unhappy with our shared negativity. People who complain and gossip and sacrifice themselves for others aren’t happy. I can help to free us both.
  • I will only help. I will do no harm. I have compassion for us both. I will show kindness toward both of us. I will cultivate love for us, too. I choose to reconnect.
  • I will start with me and then share love with others. May I be well and happy. May our family be well and happy. May she be well and happy. I choose love.

And whenever I saw her, I greeted her with a kind smile. I sometimes listened to her stories, excusing myself whenever her words became unkind, much the same as I had done before. But I noticed the negativity no longer lingered within me. It disappeared as soon as I began choosing love again. I was freed. And I was happier. And compassion, kindness, and love had made me so.ltc

My desire was not to speak my mind in an attempt to change hers, to change her apparent need in choosing negative words. I did hope she might free herself from negativity and liberate herself by choosing positivity instead. Our re connection was complete, quite unlimited, too, and it gave me hope that happiness could be ours, shared through our connection.

I continue to cultivate this loving connection, being compassionate and kind whenever people, myself included, choose to speak negative words, for we all do from time to time. We are positively connected in this negativity thing, and everything else. And compassion, kindness, and love happily connect us all.

All Aboard!  The LifeTrain!


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February 25, 2014

A Letter From The Conductor, To The Conductor…and You!

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 12:36 am

“The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll


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Dear Past Me,

Remember that day when you thought all was lost? When you thought there was barely any point in carrying on?

The bank account was dangerously low.

You were arguing with everyone close to you.

The roof was leaking.

It felt like everything was a struggle and the so-called abundance of life was nowhere to be seen.

You were going over the mistakes you’d made.

The money you had lost.

The Church hurt…

The failed marriage…

The opportunities you had missed.

You were going over angry conversations and thinking about how right you were and how wrong they were.

You were searching for forgiveness but holding onto the unfairness of it all.

Remember how low you felt?

You actually spent more time than you care to admit wishing the disappointments and mis-steps didn’t exist.



You do realize now that you wasted waaaaay to much time with that ridiculousness, right?

You wished for a lightning bolt of awareness to hit you in the head.

You were hoping for a finely tuned droplet of self-aware genius to magically transform your heart.

Your inner wisdom surfaced and provided because in the next few moments, you read this:

The average person lives to be 76 years of age, which is approximately 28,000 days.

28,000 days.

That’s when it hit you.

Every day is truly precious.

Months seemed to come and go.

Years flew by.

But days. Days were made up of habits.

You woke up to your own habits at that point.

How much time had you wasted drifting into jealousy?

How many hours had been lost sinking with regret or moping over disappointment?

If you added up the hours you’d filled with worry, regret, anger, sorrow, and guilt, how many days would it equal?

It was terrifying to even consider.

You shifted.

You found three ways to live in each day that have changed you forever.

1. You are not your feelings.

When anger or hurt hits your heart like a ton of bricks on a hot summer day, it can feel like it consumes you.

The more you resist, the more you fight it, the bigger it gets.

Allow the pain to be there. Talk to it. Realize that you are the witness that is doing the talking.

2. Solitude and Meditation.

It seems like everyone talks about meditating.

Once you made it a non-negotiable part of your life, everything else shifted for you.

Think of it like brushing your teeth or taking a shower.

You can sit quietly anywhere. In your car. At your desk. Just close your eyes and breathe.

It will help you to be in the day.

3. Forgiveness.

As much as you’re struggling with your own crapola, everyone else is going through his or her own lessons as well.

As soon as you leaned into forgiveness, you felt better.

You stopped resisting.

Forgiveness gives you flow.

And when you flow, BOOM—you’re in the present moment again.

I want you to wake up to what you have right now!

I want you to know that no matter what, today is beautiful.

It doesn’t matter if it’s pouring rain, pounding snow, or penetrating sunshine.

Weather is neither good nor bad. It just is.

Today is what you make it and I want you know that here and now, in this future moment that I’m writing you from, love is the only thing that lasts.

Whether your current moment is filled with sorrow or bursting with joy, this too shall pass.

Find ways to make today into a beautiful painting of kindness toward yourself and toward others and you will reach the end of your 28,000 days with a knowingness that you lived well.

What day is it today?

It’s the best day ever.

Future Me

Fellow passengers…Can I see you …in the morning!

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All Aboard!  The LifeTrain!!!

February 20, 2014

Just A Thought…On Thinking…

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 9:45 am

“Joy in looking and comprehending is nature’s most beautiful gift.” ~Albert Einstein

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A short while back I was walking to my apartment, I heard the voice of a child who was walking in the same direction with an adult across the street. With his enthusiastic, high-pitched voice he asked, “Remember we went 1234on a plane? And it was really, really high in the sky?” Then just a few seconds later he asked, “Remember we saw a baseball game?” And then a few seconds after that, “Remember we had spaghetti?”

A part of me wanted to keep walking parallel from them, even when I arrived at my place. I wondered: What else might he remember? What else did he enjoy? And just how purely did he experience those things? Odds are, he could recall all kinds of little details that most adults wouldn’t even register. He may have remembered the long line at the airport, but he probably offset any annoyance with pure fascination over the engine outside his window. He may have felt disappointed if his team lost, but he probably savored his hot dog, regardless, and couldn’t wait to describe the taste. He probably got messy in that spaghetti, but thought that was absolutely awesome.

And somehow, in his childlike memory, eating that pasta was just as worthy of remembering as flying in a plane.

11Kids have an amazing ability to recall all kinds of little joys, likely because they appreciated them in those moments in a way we often don’t as adults. It’s partly about mindfulness; it’s hard to reminisce about simple pleasures if you weren’t really immersed in them when you experienced them. But it’s also about how we internalize those events in the present. Do we look back with excitement and wonder, remembering everything that made those moments magical? Or do we look back with disapproval and judgment, focusing instead on everything we felt was lacking?

Maybe the key to joy is learning not just to create it, but also to recycle it—to bask in all the good that has been and realize how fortunate we are for having known it. In fostering this type of gratitude and awe, we increase our ability to recognize the joy that is right now.

February 16, 2014

Merry Monday!…Finding Life’s Lessons N The Darndess Places

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 12:01 am

Hey Passengers, just wanted to share this with you again to get the week off to a great start!  Hope it helps this week…

“What I learned from the Wizard of OZ”  KICK IT!

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Ya know fellow passengers I find life’s lessons in the darn’dess of places, especially in movies and books.  Movies like Shaw Shank Redemption, Forrest Gump, The Bucket List and even Dr. Suess books like “O The Places you will go!”.  I love movies with symbolism that make  ya think deep…When I die I hope you guys will be at the repass saying boy, he was a deep thinker! 😉

Today though, I’d like to share with you…”What ‘The Wizard of Oz’ozz Taught Me About Life…”.

When I was a kid, the Wizard of OZ came on once a year.  As I reflect back I laugh at how we had to be on our best behavior as my Mother used that (whether or not we could stay up to watch the OZ’ster) as a bargaining chip for good behavior.  Needless to say, beds were made, teeth were brushed and I put my flatulation skills in the closet for awhile.

Anyway, I digress.  It’s hard to believe, but “The Wizard of Oz,” one of the most beloved movies of all time, celebrates its 75th birthday this year. Not only has the classic story of Dorothy and her funny friends entertained generations of moviegoers, it has also taught us some unforgettable lessons about life.  Look what I learned from Dorthy and the gang .

Accept your friends for who they are

A true friend will help you on your life’s journey and get you through all the problems big and small that may arise. So accept your friends, quirks and all, and recognize when they need a little help too.  Because you never know when you’ll need them around to rescue you from some flying monkeys.

yelo roadFollow Your Own Yellow Brick Road

Although Glinda the Good Witch directs Dorothy to the yellow brick road, explaining that it will lead her to the one person who can get her back home to Kansas, let’s face it: Dorothy probably could have found the road on her own. It was right there in front of her. Discover your own path in life”what you want to be, where you want to go, how you want to live–and be sure to sing and skip throughout the journey.

Don’t hide your true self behind a screen

One of the most memorable scenes in the film is when we discover the Wizard is just a man. He has no magical powers. He doesn’t even have a booming voice. The lesson? Don’t try to be something you’re not, because the people who matter in this life will love you no matter what.  Can a Brutha get an AMEN!?!

There’s no place like home

Although it should go without saying, home means more than just yourthe gang house or apartment.  It’s wherever the people you love and who love you”are found. You can have many different “homes,” and even if you haven’t visited in a while, you can always go back.

Look within for your power

We all remember the scene where Dorothy misses her balloon flight home, starts to cry, and is subsequently notified by Glinda that with those fancy ruby slippers, she had the power to return home the whole time; she just needed to discover it for herself. When in doubt, look within for the answer. You’re more powerful than you think.

Well, I hope I wet your appetite enough to hop back aboard tomorrow!

All Aboard, The LiFeTrain!!!

February 11, 2014

Tuesday’s Tip: Home is More Than a Zip Code…

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 12:57 am

I’ve lived in Seven different states in my years here on earth.  During those stops I’ve  learned that home is much more than four walls and a familiar neighborhood.  Home is the God who understands each of the unique desires, thoughts, hopes and dreams of our individual hearts.  Nothing can separate us from His love.  Not time zones or cultures or the things we wish we could change about ourselves.

Christ is the bridge.

bogHe brings us back into the deep heart of God.  No matter where we’re coming from.  Out of emptiness or loss or disaster, Christ brings us back to His Father.   The only real home we can always count on.   But our citizenship is in heaven.   And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. Philippians 3:20 NIV

So the tip for this Tuesday is – find your welcome and home in Him.

All Aboard, The LifeTrain!

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