Welcome aboard the LifeTrain. Kick off the mood music for this piece and read on…
I have never been contained except that I made the prison, quote written by the black American author, Mary Evans, made a lot of sense to me and inspired me to share the following. May the walls of your prison begin to crumble after reading!
When I first started blogging I had some doubts. Doubts if I wanted to share myself in such a public forum, doubts if I could make a difference by doing this, and doubts if I even had the talent or skills to write in a manner that would be in any small way coherent. My conclusion and ultimate decision to step out is based on the following:
When we concern ourselves with doing only what others think we can do, we lay the floor of our prisons. When we conform our activities based on what others might say, we put the bars around our own personal prison. When we allow what others have done or are doing to determine what we can do, we build the roof of our own prisons. When we allow fear, competition or greed to guide our actions we lock ourselves up and throw away the key. It is our concern over what others say, do and think about us that imprisons our mind, body and spirit.
I’ve concluded that What other people think about me is not my concern…
Well, it’s been awhile but, the Train pulls out of the station once again… And as usual on the train we begin the week with a hearty greeting, “Merry Monday!”
When I first became the conductor of the Life Train (started blogging) back in 2006 it was so exciting for me as writer. I was so enthusiastic. I also noticed that I was experiencing an ongoing epiphany, writing is cathartic for me. It allowed me to express my thoughts, ideas and feelings in a forum that allowed me to do all the talking and purging. It circumvented the observation I made that everyone wants to talk but, no one wants to listen. Blogging allows you to do all the talking then sit back and observe the feedback of others.
Over the years after writing day after day, trying to keep the content fresh and relevant I kinda burnt out. If you look at the archives you’ll see that rarely did I miss a day. It was almost like having to create a new episode of a TV show each day. Enough of that.
I was so pleased to receive encouragement from my fellow passengers asking what happened and when would the train roll again. I want to thank you all! Sometimes I felt as if I had started to ride in an empty car, on an empty train. Your notes and requests really rejuvenated my resolve to get back at it.
Take a look at the following article entitled, “I wish I had that one back”, I hope it blesses you and encourages you to be a blessing.
I title today’s ride as follows: “I wish I had that one back”…Hope you won’t have to do the same this week.
Above any and everything else please know that this piece is intended to Glorify God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, three being one.
When I first started blogging it was “SO” strange, I would literally be awakened with something to write, with an urging so strange that I would receive the entire piece and have to run to my PC no matter what the hour and just bang away. That hasn’t happened in awhile but, and this is the truth, this morning at exactly 3:05 AM I was awakened with the urge and realization that I must share the following “TRUE” story.
Yesterday I stopped at 7-11 (yes they still have them here in DC) to get something to drink. I had suddenly become so thirsty that I literally could not go another block. As I got out of my car a Latino woman approached me and started with what I had come to call the canned story, I am out of gas, please sir can you help me with a few dollars. Inwardly I became so judgmental and perturbed. I was glad I had on sunglasses because I didn’t want her to see my true facial expression. She was almost in tears, I thought she’s good. But, please can we stop the explanation, I have heard it so many times before and I know what you really want is to get some drugs or alcohol.
Anyway, my practice is to just try to help out if I can and let God sort out the truth. I didn’t even stay to hear the entire story, I just hastily handed her five dollars of the twenty I had and walked away. I heard her little weak voice say thank you sir, god bless you. I didn’t even look back and worst of all; I didn’t even say anything about Jesus. I began to feel bad as I headed into the store, real bad because I was unreasonably struggling with judgment of her and the thought of, “I just wish once someone who did this would just say, “I need a drink or some crack, can you spare a buck or two.” I was feeling I could respect that more.
…well next you could’ve sold me for a nickel, she was at the counter about to ask the attendant to credit the pump with all that she was able to pull together. Ok, so somebody please hug me and tell me its ok, don’t do it again…oh ye Chuckie who is perfect and have never needed a helping hand MISTER STUCK IN ATLANTA just the week before with no money. Thanks again to all those who extended a helping hand to me while there…Love you guys.
I immediately, with great humility gave her some additional money…again saying nothing, she again saying thank you sir, Bless you. I really felt bad as I saw her go to what at that time looked like the oldest and biggest Chevy van I had ever seen.
As I lay in my bed, all alone in the dark this morning I suddenly recalled the following sermon I had just listened this very Sunday morning. Please take a moment to view (following this story) and please try to be a blessing to someone this week. And above all my wish for you this week is that you don’t have an “I wish I had that one back” incident this week. Oh, it was SO wild, my Brother, Pastor Dale Degroat called me from California during my lunch hour. I DID NOT tell him about this story, opting to listen to the word that he ALWAYS gives me during each and every one of our talks. He HAD NO IDEA what happened but, his whole conversation stemmed around scriptures on being a blessing and God’s grace…scary huh? I like to consider it God’s provision for us all. I was almost in tears at certain parts of our talk. I could not believe how cold and callous we can become. And how could I, who had just had my life spared be so unloving, judgmental and just downright mean (spirited)
You see, most of you don’t know this but I was told by the doctors that I potentially have only 9 months to live. On December 7, 2010, I began a two and half week hospital stay. I was told that had I not been rushed to the hospital I would not (if it were not God’s will) have lived another 24 hours. I say, no man can tell me how long I have to live! I won’t hear it; God will call me home in his own time. I will share my testimony of life over the next weeks here on the Train. Now look, I am at peace, I am saved and I plan to laugh and have fun the rest of my days here on earth and I want you guys to do the same right by my side!