February 26, 2010

This Weekend…Rememeber, Life is a coin…

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 12:04 am

Malachi 3:3 says: ‘He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.’

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God .

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn’t mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:  ‘ He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.’  She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.   The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, ‘How do you know when the silver is fully refined?’

He smiled at her and answered, ‘ Oh, that’s easy — when I see my image in it.’

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.   Pass this article on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them.

And, whatever they’re going through, they’ll be a better person in the end.

‘ Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.’

Hey Passengers, have a GR8 weekend!  All Aboard…The LiFeTrain!

February 25, 2010

Therapy Thursday w/ Dr. Dee

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 12:49 am

Well passengers, another Thursday, another great session with Doctor Diedra Hayman on tap.  This week we look at the issue of Sexual Abuse.  So, without further delay let’s go ahead and sit with the good Doc.

Chuckie: Hey Doctor Gurl, Seester gurl…What’s shakin in the world of Dr.Dee this week?
DrDee: Not much. Gettin ready for my “vacation”. Life is good. By the way, if you havent done taxes yet, Taxslayer.com! I had a very good experience with them. First time doing it online. State refunds were in my account in two business days, and the feds are promising within two weeks of filing, which means birthday present!!! And no, I dont work for them.

Chuckie: Doc, this week I think I might be a little controversial but, based on some issues I’ve discussed with some of my closes friends I would like to look at the ramifications of Sexual abuse this week.  You good with that?
DrDee: Sure, why not.

Chuckie: Doc, as I understand it, Sexual abuse can be described as unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent. Most victims and perpetrators know each other.  Do you agree?  Can you further expound?
DrDee: Yes, most survivors did know their perpetrators. But sexual abuse doesn’t always involve “force”. It can also involve “seduction”, for lack of a better word. In other words, the victim is groomed with “sweet treats”, which can be literally candy or sweets for younger kids, or with privileges, or with promises of affection or special favor. And in another sense, sexual abuse doesn’t have to involve what we truly consider force, such as in a rape situation. The person can be “persuaded” to participate. And sexual abuse doesn’t have to include physical contact between the perp and victim. It can be exposing a child to pornography, or using them in it, it can involve causing someone to observe inappropriate sexual behavior between others, It can involve sexual comments (sexual harrassment). I think one of the saddest cases of sexual abuse I am working with now involves a young lady who was not ever touched, but she was forced to be present when her father was sexually abusing her maternal aunt, who is slightly older than she is. He would get the aunt drunk, then have sex with her in the presence of his daughter. The daughter, my client, was terrbily traumatized, and it has impacted her own relationships and sexuality. But she was never touched.

Chuckie: I have told very few people about this, but as a child I was abused by several older women, including a teacher.  I know this is bad, but i didn’t consider it abuse at the time.  Guess I was the ultimate naughty little boy…I know it isn’t a funny issue but…it was what it was, guess it’s a “man” thang?  I do know this, it was very confusing at first and I am sure it left me with some issues, more on that later.  So, I’d like to sit back here for a second and listen to what the ramifications are as we who have been abused grow into adulthood.  I guess I am being a bit selfish this week since this is a personal issue.  I’d like to do a reflection/reality check on myself by hearing from a professional on the possible side effects of this type of childhood abuse.
DrDee: You bring up a good point. For many, if you were to ask them if they were sexually abused, they would say “no”. People have very specific ideas about what it means to be sexually abused, or even raped for that matter. Often they think of a boy being abused by a man, or a girl being abused by a man. Many dont think that women can be sexually abusive, but they can. If a woman who is over the age of 18 becomes sexually involved with a boy under 18, she is sexually abusing him. In many states, its considered statutory rape, just as if a man were to become sexually involved with a girl underage. And with boys, it gets very complicated when the perp is a woman, because there are a lot of cultural expectations that go with being a boy. So becoming sexual with a grown woman is seen more as an “accomplishment” than as abuse. As for the ramifications or consequences, well, that all depends on the person who was abused, what the abuse was like, what the abuser was like, age, previous traumatic experiences or abuses. For some, there are really no measurable consequences. Yes, that’s right, some people can be abused and not have any measurable impact on their lives or emotional health. For others, even something as mild as one instance of fondling can be devastating. So the impact can vary from none at all, to something that causes severe emotional disturbance or serious impact on one’s ability to function in an intimate relationship. It just depends. On a lot of variables.

Chuckie: Most people will experience a trauma at some point in their lives, and as a result, some experience debilitating symptoms that interfere with daily life. What can you say to parents in terms of types of psychological interventions that are effective in preventing long-term effects.
DrDee: The jury is really still out on that. Some say have the child talk about it early. Others say leave it alone until the person wants to deal with it. And as with any issue, the most effective technique will depend on the person and the therapist. I think one of the most helpful things is for parents to just listen to their kids, and to believe them. Its true that in some isolated cases, some children (not including children in the foster care system) may “make up” a story of abuse. But usually they dont. Usually they have some reason for making the statements they make regardign abuse. Listen to them. I think so much damage is done just because the victim cant get anyone they trust to believe them when they say something happened. I think just listening to your kid and giving them the benefit of the doubt is one of the most powerful “psychological interventions” there is for preventing long term effects. When kids arent believed and protected, that adds a lot of complexity to a victim’s emotional response to the abuse.

Chuckie: What tips can you offer for recovering from sexual abuse of any kind.  How can a victim come to an understanding of the resultant emotions and normal responses that follow a disaster of this type or other traumatic event.  What  can  we do to help cope with feelings, thoughts and behaviors – and what can help one to get on a path to recovery.
DrDee: Well, as I mentioned earlier, sexual abuse isnt always a “disaster”. It certainly can be, and we usually hear of the cases where it was disastrous. But there are many out there who have been abused sexually but suffer very few, if any, emotional consequences. If the abuse was traumatic, then feelings of shame, anger, betrayal, sadness, loss, confusion, distaste for sexuality, lowered self-esteem, guilt, and even fearfulness and panic, can all be part of the response pattern for victims. They may even feel “different”, and “alone”. Some victims even develop post traumatic stress disorder, which is a serious anxiety disorder that can develop in some people after a life threatening trauma. For others, if the abuse is very severe at very young ages, personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder, or dissociative disorders such as Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) may develop as a means of coping with horrendous abuse which usually is coming in multiple forms starting very very young, usually perpetrated by sadistic people. Aside from working with a therapist, a victim can read and work through books such as “Courage to Heal”, and others aimed at helping a victim become a survivor. Some pastors are helpful in this area, but many pastors are not trained to deal with more serious emotional issues such as those that can be caused by sexual abuse. If one finds that the emotional consequences of sexual abuse are interfering with one’s ability to function in some significant way, then its advisable to work with a therapist either individually or in one of the many support and therapy groups for victims of sexual abuse.

Chuckie: I think we could probably go on for hours about this subject, so I will stop with a final request to you to give some parting thoughts or some benefits of your experience with sexual abuse.
Dr.Dee: For those who are seriously impacted by the effects of sexual abuse, working on those issues can be ver difficult. Usually, the victims I see are experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and part of that disorder is that one tries to avoid anything that reminds them of the trauma. That means they dont want to become sexually involved with their partners. It also means they dont want to talk about the trauma, even though that’s what they say they are coming to therapy for. So for those who have tried to work on that issue, just go anyway. If you are in an avoidant state of mind, just tell the therapist “hey, today I dont want to talk about all that.” But go. Once you stop going, you make if very difficult to move forward. You don’t always have to talk about the abuse every time you walk in the therapist’s office. A well-trained therapist will help you understand what you are doing (avoiding), but wont refuse to work with you if you dont want to “go there” on that particular day. The important thing is to maintain the therapeutic relationship. When you feel safe enough, you’ll let the therapist help you “go there”.

Hey Passengers please pass the following site along to those who may need it, and remember there’s free help available at:

www.applesofgold.info

Roll credits…

regards11

February 24, 2010

Happy Birthday To Ohio’s Second Greatest Athlete – E3 (from C2)

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 6:06 am

Hey passengers, join me in wishing the father of two of my Godchildren Happy Birthday.  Behind me he is the second greatest athlete to come out of the Buckeye state, Ewing Carter III.   Not only did I teach him about life and sports, but I also did his website “YEARS” ago, so when you say happy birthday here today in the comment section tell him it’s time to quit being so “CHEAP” and bring that site into the new millennium (via the godfather of his children) “CLICK”!

Actually, we aren’t friends, we are brothers.  We grew up together from the crib and started playing football together as Pee Wees for the Springfield, Ohio Little Tigers and continued on to become great Wildcats for Springfield South!

I salute him for being the true model of a father…Outstanding job!  And congratualtion to E4, Ewing Carter IV for a state tournament victory last night!  Way to go Godson!

February 23, 2010

Tuesday’s Tech Tip…A great New Software 4 The Ladies

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 12:33 am

As promised, each Tuesday you’ll find a tech tip on the LiFeTrain, “Tuesday Tech Tip”. Today read about the latest in technology, software to help marriages. A tech breakthrough.

Installing Husband 1.0
===========================
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow-down in overall system performance – particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, installation of Husband 1.0 seems to have uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed such other undesirable programs as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0.and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do ????

Signed, Desperate

===========================

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: “http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm” and try to download Tears 6.2, and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will automatically download the Snoring loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background which will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot
Food 3.0.

Good Luck, Tech Support

February 22, 2010

Merry Monday!

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 12:18 am

“Six o’clock already I was just in the middle of a dream It’s just another manic Monday. Have to catch an early train, The LiFeTrain…”

Hey Passengers, Merry Monday!  Hop the Train today with a smile and Joy in your heart.  Do this if for no other reason than the fact that you are topside of six feet…no what I mean? 

Question for you today, Is joy, or happiness, a passing emotion or a permanent state? The Bible says it can be both. There is happiness that reacts to happenings (which is temporary and volatile), and there is happiness that overrules happenings (which is strong and lasting). Happiness based on happenings is part of life, but if that is all we can count on we have to keep feeding ourselves with events to keep us upbeat. Those who know the joy that comes from God don’t need happenings to keep them happy. They learn how to develop inner joy because they know no matter what happens, God offers hope and promise.

Conclusion for starting this week, go forth with the Joy of the Lord this week.   Give a smile, spread some cheer.  Merry Monday!

All Aboard!  The LiFeTrain!

February 19, 2010

The Sun Will Come Out 2morrow…

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 6:00 am

Hey Passengers, I was driving home yesterday longing for sunshine and 70s. Hard to believe I grew up in Ohio where winters can be a bit challenging to say the least and now here in DC I’ve let a little snow nag on a nerve or two of mine.  I won’t be to hard on myself because being shut-in for seven straight days could cause  one to worry about places to be and people to see…

Well, After a few great naps during that time I decided to turn the light on that old vampire called worry by remembering the following.

Worry is the vampire that drains life of its force. Worry stagnates the mind,creates an imbalance in the immune system; weakens the throat, your power and authority center; impairs the ability to see beyond the thing being worried about. We worry about things we cannot control. We worry about the past and the future. We worry about those things we cannot do or have not done and how they will affect what we are doing right now. We worry about when we do not have, cannot get and things we have lost. Worry creates confusion, disorder and helplessness. Then we worry because we cannot figure things out. We must eliminate the tendency to worry without worrying if it will work out. Take the situation creating the worry, briefly and concisely write it down. Place the paper on which you have written in a window, facing
the sun. Make a commitment to yourself to let it go and move on. Everyone knows that when the sunlight hits a vampire, it first shrivels up and then it is gone.

Hey LifeTrain Passengers, repeat after me….This weekend… “I Am worry free!”

As Jesus said, who among you can add one more day to your life by worrying.

Think about it…

February 15, 2010

To My Wife On Valentine’s day…Cause I’m just that type of A Husband…

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 12:26 am

And proud of it…

NOTE: Dr. Ouida Cole…Thank you for being such an encourager in my life.  Your call this morning encouraging me to finish this piece was such a blessing.  You taught me a lot…Sometimes, it takes a real woman to check a real man.  Thank you….Woman.

This is for all those who needed to be treated in the most special of ways on Valentine’s day(yesterday)…You are loved and appreciated…

Kick this off as you read this Wife…Need to put you in the mood.  …And if you cry, come to me I’ll hold you till you finish…

If you’ve been on the train enough, you know that I am not shy and I speak from the heart…making no excuses.  And on the eve of Valentine’s Day, as I fought this here DC traffic, with the music blaring, I had one of my moments…It’s like sometime I just get this crack head urge to smoke my pipe (write).  And tonight, I just felt like being married and writing a love letter to my wife.  But first I am gonna digress and put out a disclaimer to the fellas.

Some of this may come off as gibberish because I am just free styling from the heart through my mind.  I figure by now I gotz more years behind me then in front of me so I have moments when I just got so much stuff in me that it gotz to come out.  So here i sit with a long stem, filled with something from 1969, that someone recommended.  Trev…dude, you were right, this stuff is good and if you are reading this, stop…this is for women only.  The ones who are and is the perfect gift to us from God.  As a matter of fact, if any of my male friends and relatives are reading this, you might wanna skip this one, cause as I was told the art of Romance is dead, and one of the main reasons is that we clown each other about …well, the notion of romance.  And Attorney E-TAR the III, I already know what you will say…”Man, your blog is a BUNCHA BOOOL!”, “and you are weak!”  Well, to that I say…I am a Lion!  Confident and true to myself.  I am strong enough to say what I want, how I want it…and think of myself no less a man.  …Trev…this stuff really is good.  Besides, my friend (Dr. Cole) told me something today that made a lot of sense…We men sometimes try make each other look weak when we are actually being strong.  Trust me, going public with this letter to my wife, the one who may never be…was not EZ…

Anyway, remember I am rambling here…rambling about one of the items on my bucket list.  The last item…”To die a happily married man”.  So… I write to her, the one who will be!

To “MY” Wife on Valentine’s day,

Happy Valentine’s day…I thank God for you.  Every time I walk into your bathroom and see the book, “The Power of a praying Wife!” I thank God for you.  I thank you for covering me.

I thank you for never having SEX with me.  Yes, I said it, for never having sex with me.  I thank you for making love to me each and every time we close our bedroom door after having put little Chuckie down for the night.  I failed to tell you, but your face transforms into something so beautiful when we share what God gave us.  And sometimes when you cry, and smile and moan…I cannot describe the shear ecstasy of it all.  Before we married, I had always wanted to know…”What is it like to make love?”.   Sex is easy, quick, convenient.  But, Love making, our love making which begins in the morning and has nothing to do with intercourse…our love making that continues throughout the day with our clothes on…And then, and then…just know that another woman could never take your place and no other woman has ever taken me to the heights of ecstasy such as you have…

Baby, I love the way you keep those lil stinky toes did, those nails did the hair fried and dyed and laid to the side.

I love the way you never put me down…in public, opting to discuss behind closed doors, when I’ve had a butt-head moment in public.  And it is such a turn-on how you get emotional, not allowing anyone to “Talk About my Husband”.  I can hear you say…”Hey, Gurl, lemme check you, even I don’t criticize MY man in public, watch out now”.superman-s

I thank you for not seeing me as any less of man when the “S” sometimes falls from my chest.  I love the way you help me sew it back on.  Basically, I thank you for knowing that only Jesus walked on water and did not get wet.

END  OF PAGE ONE…Turn the page baby…

PAGE II:

Baby, I remember my last birthday…at the end of the night you lit the candles, ran the hot water, bubbles.  You poured from a bottle of something from 1979 and had me join you, in the steamy, wet darkness…

And remember this song was playing:

After-wards, you did something that no other woman has ever done before and could not do again…

I remember not being able to breathe…right   … before   …”I Passed Out”

…Baby (LOL), you hurt a brother that night…

“Is it the way?”

Your eyes…

Your eyes, as said in the bible (Psalms), are like lipid pools…Your Breasts like…

When you look at me sometimes, it’s like electricity.  I see the love of my Mother and my Grand-mothers in your eyes.  That pure unconditional love. You see eyes never lie.  They reveal lies, emptiness or love and warm hugs.  I have only seen love and felt hugs in those big brown eyes, those pretty brown eyes.  As I’ve told you before, one of the sexiest things on earth is to see a woman who is truly in love with her man, look into the eyes of her man.  Your eyes give me strength, your eyes give me love, and most of all your eyes say…”I belong to you, and you alone…”.

I LOVE your sassy, my funny Valentine.  I remember you calling me last week to tell me to meet you at home for lunch, whispering that I just ran across your mind.  When I came into the house,  rose peddles and baby powder led me to you.  As I walked into the room…this song was playing…

Glad I have an understanding boss, a once again injured brother had to call back to the office for half a personal day.  …I am still having trouble tieing my shoes…Hard to believe we’ve been married for 15 years my Funny Valentine.  You are still my little “Naughty Hottie”.

My Son…

Baby, I said it before, and I say it again…you sealed the deal by carrying my seed;My son, Charles II.  As such, divorce will never be an option, time-out, me in my man cave, you in your room…but Divorce…”Never an Option!”..    I promise to teach him to the best of the ability to be a man.  To love Jesus, and to honor and cherish his mother…you my dear.  My one prayer for him is that he will end up in the arms of an Angel, just…like his daddy.

So to you my Queen, I hope that my words today, to you, the love of my life mean more than any card, with words from someone else could ever convey is more appreciated…

Happy Valentine Day Wife…

Husband…

[Alarms goes off]

I wake up…look left…and there is no one there

This is dedicated…

ficâ‹…tion

/ˈfɪkʃən/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [fik-shuhn] Show IPA –noun

1. the class of literature comprising works of imaginative narration, esp. in prose form.
2. works of this class, as novels or short stories: detective fiction.
3. something feigned, invented, or imagined; a made-up story: We’ve all heard the fiction of her being in delicate health.
4. the act of feigning, inventing, or imagining.
5. an imaginary thing or event, postulated for the purposes of argument or explanation.

February 14, 2010

HappY Valentine’s Day…

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 12:01 am

And this is my message to as spoken by Denzel…

February 12, 2010

Wanna Go?

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 1:27 am

I would love  to be out of all this snow and in the tropics somewhere…Drowning in someone’s eyes.  Grab something to drink, sit back and join me.

Have a GREAT weekend…

All Aboard, The LiFeTrain!

February 9, 2010

Tuesday’s Tech Tip: Email Links, B Careful…

Category: Thoughts — chuckie @ 5:24 am

Hey Passengers welcome aboard.  As you you know each Tuesday (well isitsafealmost) I try to drop a tech tip or two on you that I come across.  And I know at least one of you (Helen of Troy, lawyer extraordinaire) finds them useful.

Today I’d like to visit the topic of email.  I frequently receive forwarded e-mails with links to interesting sites. The messages are from people I know.  But there are no headings or signatures, just the link. This makes me hesitant to click on it. Can a hacker use someone’s e-mail address to send a malicious link?

And no I am not being paranoid, here’s why.  You need to be extremely careful with links in e-mail messages. People are wising  up to the dangers of e-mail attachments. Many companies filter out specific types of file attachments. And security software will often catch malicious attachments.

So, scammers are increasingly using Web sites to infect victims’ machines. They send out spam messages with links.  The links may or may not have an accompanying message. When you click one, you’re taken to a malicious site. It will check your machine for security weaknesses. If it finds one, it will attempt to download malware to you. If not, it could try to trick you into downloading a file.

trojFor example, many such sites purport to show videos. But they’ll tell you to download a codec to view the videos. The codec is a Trojan, of course.

Now, I doubt your friends and family are sending you malicious messages. But you should still exercise caution. Don’t click a link unless you’re expecting it. Contact the sender to verify that it is legitimate.  You can’t be sure an e-mail is really from a friend. Spoofing a return address is easy.

Criminals also target e-mail accounts. They steal passwords and hijack the accounts. Contacts in the address book are then scammed.  Tools like SiteAdvisor will help you avoid malicious sites. These are most useful when you’re browsing the Web. For example, you’ll see a rating next to sites in search results.  Unfortunately, these tools don’t work as well with links in e-mail.  And they won’t help if a legitimate site has been compromised. But should you click on a malicious link, you’ll get a warning. A site’s rating is displayed at the bottom of the browser.

New browsers won’t send you directly to some malicious sites. They display a warning that the site may harm your computer. You must click a link to continue to the site.  But new malicious sites pop up every day. A browser can’t keep up with them all.

So, I recommend a spam filter. It will help you filter out malicious messages. I have several great spam filters on my site. Try SpamBayes, MailWasher or Spamato.

So my fellow passengers there you have it another Tuesday Tech tip.  Hope you find them useful.

Here’s wishing you Computer Love…

AllAboard, The LiFeTrain!!!