Hey Passengers, welcome back aboard.Â Merry Monday!Â TO get the week started I want to share something with you, that I hope you will share.Â Have a great week, check back often and …
A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year old son waiting for her at the door.
SON: ‘Mummy, may I ask you a question?’
MUM: ‘Yeah sure, what it is?’ replied the woman.
SON: ‘Mummy, how much do you make an hour?’
MUM: ‘That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?’ the woman said angrily.
SON: ‘I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?’
MUM: ‘If you must know, I make $20 an hour.’
SON: ‘Oh,’ the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: “Mummy, may I please borrow $5?”
The mother was furious, ‘If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don’t work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.’
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door..
The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the woman had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $5 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The woman went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.
‘Are you asleep, son?’ She asked.
‘No Mummy, I’m awake,’ replied the boy.
‘I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier’ said the woman. ‘It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the $5 you asked for.’
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. ‘Oh, thank you Mummy!’ he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The woman saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his mother.
‘Why do you want more money if you already have some?’ the mother grumbled.
‘Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,’ the little boy replied.
‘Mummy, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.’
The mother was crushed. She put her arms around her little son, and she begged for his forgiveness.
It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $20 worth of your time with someone you love.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
Well passengers, here we are again, another sit-down, fireside chat with the Doctor.Â So, without further a due, Session 8:Â A talk with the Doc on the subject of eating disorders, N-Joy!
Chuckie: Doctor, Doctor, Doctorial-lista Seester!Â How u r? DR.DEE: Hi Chuckie, I’m doing fine. A little tired cuz I’m fostering a two week old orphaned puppy, and thatâ€™s a 27/7 kinda thang for the next 3 or 4 weeks. So I hope I can give sensible answers! Lack of sleep is messin with my head!
Chuckie: Seester gurl, Doctor Gurl…Let’s talk Eating issues.Â Something that I have personally struggled with.Â Did I just admit that?Â Anyway, what can be classified as an eating disorder? DR.DEE: Well, eating disorders are sets of serious emotional and behavioral issues around weight, and food. They include anorexia nervosa (intentional self-starvation with distorted body image, which can also include purging in various ways), bulimia nervosa (binge eating, followed by purging in any of several ways), and eating disorder, not otherwise specified, which usually catches all the other pathological things people may do around food and weight, that donâ€™t meet criteria for the first two disorders. Usually, they are associated with young women, but increasingly, men also are being diagnosed with the disorder. And interestingly enough, it used to be a caucasian problem. Now we are seeing more African Americans developing the disorder. Eating disorders usually crop up in adolescence, usually around college age. But increasingly, the women are younger and younger, even starting as early as 9 or 10 in some cases. I need to make it clear that we are not talking about dieting to lose legitimate weight. Lots of people do that, but do not have eating disorders, per se. An eating disorder is life threatening. It is body damaging. It often includes very distorted views of what the self actually looks like. An anorexic who is grossly underweight and on IV fluids will still draw herself as quite fat, when asked to draw how she sees herself. Eating disorders actually end up being medical issues.
Chuckie: Can Therapy help restore a healthy attitude toward eating. DR.DEE: Eating disorders require a team approach to treatment that does include therapy. Eating Disorders are a specialized field of practice, and so far, indications are that not only is individual therapy necessary, but also family therapy, and even in-patient treatment where specific behavioral techniques are used, along with medical treatment. But developing a healthy attitude toward eating is only a small part of the treatment. The bigger issue is developing a healthier and more realistic attitude toward one’s body image, as well as addressing some of the other issues underlying the development of the eating disorder.
Chuckie: Have you ever dealt with eating disorders?Â If so can you share your approach to this topic? DrDee: I am not a specialist in the area of eating disorder. I have worked with clients who have either already overcome an eating disorder, or are in early stages. Usually I will refer active eating disordered clients. But before I do that, I usually work on trying to determine what else is going on with the client, how the eating disorder serves them, what it keeps them from having to deal with, what role it plays in their own lives and in their family system.
Chuckie: What do you think triggers this type of disorder? DR.DEE: I really donâ€™t know, Chuckie. I can tell you that some think it arises out of the media images women, and even men, are bombarded with on a regular basis, regarding what the “perfect” body should look like. Others believe it arises out of some very dysfunctional family dynamics. Others believe it can arise as a result of sexual abuse.
Chuckie: What is binge eating and is binge eating a psychiatric disorder? DR.DEE: “Binge eating” is part of the diagnosis of Bulimia Nervosa. In Bulimia, the person will binge, sometimes several times per day, and then find some way to “purge” it from the system. They may cause themselves to vomit, or use a laxative, or even engage in excessive exercising, in order to compensate for the binge. Binging can also occur outside of the psychiatric disorder called Bulimia. Sometimes, when people feeling blue or even suffering from clinical depression, they may binge as a means of self-soothing. Some people will binge to self-soothe when they are worried, as well. But this is something completely different from Bulimia. There is usually no effort to purge when the binge is an attempt to self-soothe.
Chuckie: How can a family deal with a relative with this problem? DR.DEE: For true eating disorders, meaning the DSM-IV variety (Anorexia, Bulimia, eating disorder, NOS), a family member can assist by encouraging the person to go into treatment. Eating disorders are very complex, and as mentioned before, can be life-threatening. Usually, close contact with a physician will be needed. But nagging about eating is not going to help. Trying to convince the person that they arenâ€™t “really overweight” will also not help, because they donâ€™t see themselves the way you do.Â In fact, it may actually make the problem worse, because many clients use control over their eating as a means of claiming some form of control in their environment, when they feel they may not have any. I canâ€™t stress enough how serious this issue can be.
Chuckie: Well as usual, you are your usual blessing.Â Any parting thoughts on this subject from your perspective?Â Last question, who’s the most intelligent, brilliant, handsome, charismatic, man you know and feel free to add more adjectives! DR.DEE:Â Uhmmmm, lemme think!Â JESUS!!!! HA!!! More adjectives? Wonderful counselor! Almighty God! Prince of Peace! Tee heee!!! You thought you had me, didnâ€™t you?!
Hey Passengers please pass the following site along to those who may need it, and remember thereâ€™s free help available at:
Session 7: “How to Handle a Terminal Illness Diagnosis both personally or of a loved one”
Chuckie: My Doctor! My fine Frain of the mind exploration!Â My lady with De (“DE” get it)Â wisdom of Solomon!Â You can tell me when to stop Doc! DrDee: Please…STOP!
Chuckie: Well, Dr. Dee, first…Let me once again thank you for hopping the train and opening the doors of your Doctor’s office car.Â Although I kid with you, know that I have the utmost respect, love and appreciation for you. DrDee: Mmmm hmmmm. Flattery will get you nowhere…:)
Chuckie: Doc, this week I’d like to discuss how to handle the news that you, (or a loved one), have been diagnosed with a terminal illness.Â Â Over the last few months I’ve come into the knowledge of several of these types of situations. DrDee: Ok, that’s fine, Chuckie. We’ll see what we can do.
Chuckie: As I begin, or shall I say before I begin, what are your most immediate thoughts on this topic? DrDee: Well, I think that dealing with impending death, either one’s own, or that of a loved one, can be a difficult thing. But unlike unexpected death’s, there is time to prepare. And that can be a good thing, if handled in healthy way.
Chuckie: Immediately upon receiving the news, how can one cope?Â Especially if you have a medical practitioner who’s bedside manner isnt the best? DrDee:Â Well its pretty rare that anyone gets diagnosed with a terminal illness out of the clear blue sky. Usually, that person has been having some symptoms that lead them to a doctor’s office in the first place. So the person may have had some suspicions that things may turn out for the worst. Now that doesnt mean that her friends and family have been made aware of those symptoms, but there is usually at least a hint that something is amiss, and that it could be serious, or the person would not be at the doctor. Its a really good idea to prepare yourself for the visit where you will receive the results of whatever testing has taken place. The doctor has usually mentioned some possibilities beforehand. Good preparation is to begin researching those possibilities, just in case you hear bad news. Another way to prepare is to consider who it is you would want with you when the news is delivered. Oftentimes, and especially when you have a physician who may be lacking in bedside manner, once the news has been delivered, the person stops hearing what’s being said. So its a good idea to have someone with you who can do that listening for you, and possibly re-explain what they heard after you’ve left the office. If you don’t feel you want anyone with you, then at least take a tape recorder with you, and ask the doctor if its ok to record the conversation so you can review it later. They usually don’t object. If you have not had a chance to prepare, or you haven’t taken the opportunity to do so, and you have already heard the news, you may want to do all that research. Knowledge is power. Knowledge can also allay some of the “fear of the unknown”. Find out the details of the illness, the course, the treatment possibilities. People cope with this kind of news in different ways. Sometimes they don’t cope at all. But coping is something that will be going on from the time they hear the news until the day they die, so nobody has to get it “right” immediately.
Chuckie: What are some of the basic things you should ask either your Doctor or your loved one? DrDee: I think the thing most people want to know is “How long do I have left”. Thats a difficult question to answer, because that all depends on a number of factors, such as what kind of illness you have and what it’s typical course is, whether there is some kind of treatment available to lengthen the lifespan, whether you have any other underlying problems, whether you are in good mental health (depression can weaken the immune system, a positive attitude can actually improve your quality of life, and can strengthen your immune system, which may add a few days to your lifespan) etc. But you would want to know things like what those treatments are, what the possible outcomes of each might be, whether the treatment is going to add or detract from quality of life, whether there will be any pain, and how that pain will be managed, whether there are any support groups for your particular diagnosis. What you may want to ask of loved one for is assistance with developing a will, for the disposition of property and the provision of guardianship for any children who may be impacted, where your assets will go, etc. You may also need assistance with designating someone for “power of attorney”, should you need or want that. You may want to ask for assistance with planning how you want to spend your remaining time, and you may want assistance with telling the family and friends. Sometimes having someone supportive by your side is helpful, when sharing the news with others.
Chuckie: Do you think it is best to spend time alone before telling anyone? DrDee: That all depends on the individual. Some people need or want time alone to process what it means that they have a very short time left, that they have a terminal illness that may even be very painful and cause them to lose awareness of their identity, or cause them to forget people who are important to them. Others need to have social support immediately, and will want to share the news as soon as possible.
Chuckie: Of course the Bible should come into play don’t you think? DrDee: It can, assuming the person finds comfort in that book. Many people do find that they have more questions about what happens “after” death, and will begin to seek answers in scripture. Others are clear on what happens, but may not feel so clear on what will happen to “them”, and so they begin to work on their own relationship with the Lord. I think its important to ask a person what they need spiritually. A good spiritual orientation can help give meaning to a person’s life, as well as their impending death. It can also be of great comfort to friends and family.
Chuckie:Â Are there any tips for controlling your emotions both short and long-term?Â How can you keep control of your thoughts, mind, and reactions? DrDee: Well, that all depends on what you mean by “control”. I dont think its necessarily healthy to try to keep yourself from experiencing normal, healthy emotions. Its perfectly normal to feel sadness, anger, sometimes disillusionment, fear, many things, when hearing that you have something the doctor’s cant cure. I say find a place to feel. Go cry. Go close the door and holler if you need to. I think its important to remind yourself (or your loved one) that you aren’t dead yet, and there is still much that needs to be done to make that a smooth transition for your family. Also, this is the time to decide how you want that time spent. Do you want to see that place you always wanted to see? Go visit those friends you always wanted to visit? Learn that skill you never got to learn? For some, those things become very clear, and very important. And they can still get it done. For others, because of the limitations imposed by the illness, they may not be able to fulfill those “last wishes”. But that’s where friends and family can come in. If your loved one “always wanted to travel to europe”, they may not be able to go, but a friend could surely get books and videos of that place to share with the loved one. Some people want to journal, or write final letters for loved ones, etc. All of these are positive ways to channel emotions and thoughts about upcoming death. Some even want to plan their own funerals, and that’s fine. For those who have a difficult time accepting the illness and impending death, a mental health professional may be needed. A therapist can assist a person to come to grips with the illness, help them work through issues related to death, to leaving family members, and to never having accomplished the things one wanted to. Some are skilled at teaching pain management techniques that can also be helpful, and others can help with the “telling”. Family members can be brought in to therapy sessions, and the news of the illness shared in that environment. Many times, friends and family need assistance coping with the impending loss of a loved one. Sometimes the loss will actually impact their own identity (such as a spouse who will become a widow or widower), and the new identity will take some getting used to. Sometimes there are issues between the dying person and their loved one, and they will need assistance working through them. These are issues that can be worked out without a therapist, but a therapist can be useful, if desired.
Chuckie: In your opinion do you feel that if you tell the wrong relatives or friends, they might tell you all kinds of negative reports and death stories? – and of course that would NOT be what you need at the moment. I read that these stories and reports could cause fear.Â Further as I understand it this fear could cause the body to release hormones and chemicals that soak each individual body cells which could harm them (body cells) and cause death. DrDee: Well, that can be true of any situation. Some people just dont know how to be supportive. And they can certainly cause unnecessary fears. And yes, fear causes a stress response in the body. You know, fight or flight. Only you cant run from the illness, and in the case of a terminal illness, you already know you are going to lose the fight. So the hormones generated by stress can weaken the immune system, and shorten the lifespan.
Chuckie: How can one best be supportive of a loved one who is in this situation? Dr.Dee: Listening is important. Sometimes they have a lot they want to say. The person knows you cant do anything about the illness, but they may want to just know they are loved, and that their lives have meant something. Sometimes they will need answers to hard questions, like why God would “allow” this, or “take” them. Sometimes you will have an answer, sometimes you just have to be honest and say you dont know. Asking the person what kind of support they need is also important. Sometimes they can tell you what they need. You can also call your local hospice organization, and they offer a wealth of services and information for friends and loved ones, as well as people who are in the final stages of life. Respecting the stated wishes of the loved one is a respectful and supportive thing to do, as well. Dont promise things you know you wont or cant follow through on, but try to be as supportive of their wishes as you can be.
Chuckie: This is certainly not an easy or fun topic but, I felt it important to at least touch on it.Â Can you share any parting thougths on this issue? DrDee: Well, as I mentioned, hospice can offer so many services to those who are dying, and their families. They try to assist with providing as high a quality of life as is possible. Something as simple as changing from solid pain medication to a liquid one can make all the difference in the comfort of a loved one who can no longer swallow well. They can be very supportive, especially during the final hours. They have a knowledge of signs of active dying, and can help you to know when to call the family. Having hospice involved can be very comforting, at a very difficult time for friends, family, and for the loved one who is dying.
Chuckie: Thanks again for stopping by. We’ll see you next week for another interesting topic…as soon as I figure out what that will be. DrDee: Ok, just dont wait til the last minute to visit me again…my social life might be picking up…;)
Chuckie: WOT!!!Â Well…Just how ugly is he? DrDee: Jealous?
Well, it’s a wrap, another great session with the Doctor, Dr. Diedra Hayman Ph.d. .Â Join me on the couch next week for “Therapy Thursday” on the LiFeTrain!
Hey Passengers please pass the following site along to those who may need it, and remember there’s free help available at:
Single, sassy and powerful…the unmarried black woman
One of the most interesting new phenomena in Black America is the emergence of Black women who are single, powerful and/or rich and in control of their lives and careers. The much-talked-about shortage of good men has not derailed the enthusiasm of assertive, ambitious women who are determined to excel despite the odds.
Whatâ€™s wrong, is there anything wrong?Â Whatâ€™s the answerâ€¦what are the true issues?Hey passengers, this week’s question or topic of discussion, review the video and let us know what you think.
Part of the issue very definitely stems from this(we as a people have never quite recovered): CLICK
Hey passengers, let’s make this a Merry Monday and a positive week!Â And join me in trying to remember more and more each day to lighten up and not take ourselves 2 seriously. Ever since I got really sick (but recovered) I’ve realized that life is really short. We are WAY to uptight sometimes.
One of the major causes of stress is worrying about things that are out of our control. Let’s commit together to learn to recognize these things. If we can’t truly do anything about them, then just let them go. More and more I am taking the time to laugh at myself and the situations I’ve found myself in (and boy do I have a lot of material!).
Laughter is a powerful, positive medicine and the calmer and more peaceful you can take things, the happier your life will be.
Be (my) yourself. You can’t please everybody. Don’t let criticism worry you. Donâ€™t compare yourself to other people â€“ at work or in your personal life. In the first place, no one knows what other people are going through. More importantly, when you compare yourself to other people, you always tend to see yourself on the “short end”. So this is never a good or helpful thing for you to do.
I’m learning all the time to get in touch with myself through journaling (my blog, the LiFeTrain). Give it a try, the goal is to open up completely to yourself and learn to be your best friend by knowing that the truth (to yourself) will set you free from fear! Practice self-acceptance no matter what. Never do something you’re not comfortable with. You’ll respect yourself for sticking to your guns, and that self-respect will make you happy.
So what if you fall flat on your face? Or get spinach stuck in your teeth? Learn to laugh at yourself both when it happens and afterwards. Turn it into a funny story that you can share with others. It lets them know that you’re not perfect and makes you feel more at ease, too.
Apparently there is a whole lot of buzz about Mary Maryâ€™s â€œGod In Meâ€ video. So this week I pose to you the ridership the question â€œHas Mary Mary gone too far?â€ In case you havenâ€™t seen it, the video features cameos by music and TV personalities like Heavy D, Kanye West, Amber Rose, Common, and Fonzworth Bentley.Â Apparently, there are many people who believe that Mary Mary â€œwent too farâ€.
We want our ministers and gospel artists to go out and win souls for Christ, but should we handcuff the way they do it, or should we advise when we think they are crossing over to far.Â Should we tell them what their music should sound like?Â Should we tell them how they need to talk or who they can and can not hang out with?
One thing we all remember is that Jesus hung out with everybody. That includes people most of us would call â€œunsavedâ€ or â€œun-churchedâ€. Jesus clearly role modeled this to us.Â But after going over the below do you think that Mary Mary has gone to far?
Creflo Dollar got blasted for making a appearance in Jermaine Dupriâ€™s â€œWelcome to Atlantaâ€ video. What people donâ€™t widely report is that Creflo openly admits that being in that video attracted a number of unbelievers to his ministry.Â I am not personally a Dollar-ite but hey, god once used a donkeyÂ (CLICK – Numbers 22:1-35)Â to warn a man of his impending death if he continued in his disobedience.
Let me make something clear. I donâ€™t think it is wise to spend the majority of your time with someone who does not follow Christ. Over time, they could be a negative influence on you. However, is there is anything wrong with lunch or coffee from time to time. I say this because I don’t want to sway opinions on this subject but, I do want you to know somewhat where I stand.Â A pet peeve of mine is for someone to ask a question, than monopolize the feedback by taking up the time convincing you why you should feel as they feel…and you end up not having time to give your opinion.Â ….So, I am purposely remaining silent on this issue…Â for now.
Take a look at the following videos and share with the rest of the passengers how you feel about this issue.Â First the video then a couple of opposing view points against the song.
Hey Passenger’s “Merry Monday!’.Â To celebrate the first Monday of 2010 I thought I would issue my annual “Chuckie’s Challenge, 2010”.Â This year the Challenge is simple.Â I’ll just get right to it.
The 2010 Challenge:
1).Â This year see the glass as half full, not half empty.Â I reflect each year at how relationships could flourish if we could only see the glass as…Half Full
It’s funny the confirmations one gets.Â As I was finalizing this piece, a dear sweet friend of mine called me.Â Â During the course of our conversation she recanted how her car had just died.Â Now mind you it is at least a tropical 10 degrees here.Â But, instead of whining about her car breaking down in the dead of winter, she was praising God that she was able to limp home, because the troubles started only two blocks from her home.Â She went on to cite all the positives of the situation as I just kinda listened as I observed howÂ she saw the glass “Half Full”.Â I’m making a long story short but, it was wonderful.
2).Â Know Jesus?Â Each 1 Reach 1 in 2010!
3).Â Make your “Bucket List”, and begin to mark off…
5).Â Check in with your body, heart and mind through-out this year.Â It’s really all we have, and if you don’t take care of it, your temple from God, who will?