Ride The Lifetrain w/Chuckie

Hey Passengers, here we are again for “Therapy Thursday”.  This week due to exams, yes even old fat guys with no money have to keep learning, we re-visit a former session when the good Doc and I discussed Bipolar Disorder.  So, grab some liquid, get comfortable and join us for Session Therapy Thursday.  Oh, if you have a topic you’d like discussed or if you have a question just hit me up…

CHUCKIE: Hey Doc, welcome back aboard the LiFeTrain.  Since I did not get the H3 Hummer from you for Christmas “as promised” we’ll just dispense with the pleasantries and get right to it!

Dr.Dee: Hey, if you were paying me for this, then I could afford to put you in a Hummer! But since this is free labor, ya gotta keep walkin!

CHUCKIE: WALK!  Me!?!…I still gots my pimped out P Mobile thank you: CLICK

CHUCKIE: Doc, lately come across an increasing number of friends (old and new) who have disclosed that they are dealing with relatives or friends diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.  “What is Bipolar Disorder?”.
DrDEE: Bipolar Disorder is a serious mental health condition where a person experiences two “poles”, in terms of their emotional state. At one “pole”, they experience depression. At the other “pole”, they experience symptoms of mania. Mania is a “high”, where a person has a much more elevated mood than normal. How that looks can vary. For some, they talk nonstop, and you can’t get a word in edgewise. For others, they go on spending sprees to the tune of writing several bad checks after all their money is gone, knowing they can’t cover them, and others go on sex binges or become very aggressive and angry. They tend to feel they have unlimited energy, may believe they can do almost anything, can go for days without sleep, or with very little sleep, and some may even hear or see things that others cannot see, or believe things that just not true…like that they are Jesus Christ, or the president, or superman. People with bipolar disorder tend to cycle from one end to the other. For some, the cycle can be several weeks or months of depression, followed by a period of mania. For others with “rapid-cycling”, they may shift from depression to mania in a matter of days.

CHUCKIE: Is this condition on the rise or is it just now coming more to light in the media?
Dr.DEE: I haven’t seen statistics on it, but my guess is that like many mental health disorders, the media, thanks to the drug companies, is giving it more attention, so it is coming to the awareness of more people. That means more sufferers will go for diagnosis.

CHUCKIE: What type of advice can you give to someone dealing with a loved one or associate with Bipolar Disorder?

Dr.DEE: Well, bipolar disorder is a biochemical problem. Usually medication management is needed, in order to successfully address the symptoms. Therapy can help a sufferer learn to cope with their disorder, as well as to cope with the impact their disorder invariably has on their friends and family. So friends can encourage their loved one or associate to seek help from a physician, psychiatrist, or mental health professional. Proper diagnosis is very important, because there are other problems that could be responsible for similar sets of symptoms. Now if the friend or loved one will not seek help, in some cases, the friend needs to be sure they keep themselves safe. If a person becomes very aggressive in a manic state, then friends and family can actually be in danger of getting hurt. The precautions friends and family need to take depend on what happens during that particular person’s manic state. It’s not the same for everyone. Also, when a person becomes depressed, concerned friends should be on the lookout for suicidal thinking.

CHUCKIE: I read somewhere that to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder you must have experienced a high period of mania or hypomania.  Is this true?  And what are these two conditions?
DR.DEE: Well actually there are several types of bipolar disorder, and then some others on that spectrum. In general, bipolar disorder does require a period of mania. But when a person has symptoms that are not quite as extreme as mania, we call it hypomania. In that case, the diagnosis is going to be “cyclothymia”, which is a less intense form of bipolar disorder. The highs are not nearly as high as in bipolar disorder.

CHUCKIE: As I understand it most people with bipolar disorder when ill or when symptomatic experience more lows than highs. Am I correct in saying these lows are known as “bipolar depression?” Can you elaborate on this?
DR.DEE: Bipolar depression is like any other depression. However, the treatment has to be very different. In typical depression, the goal of medication management is to raise the mood. But if a person is bipolar, then raising the mood through the use of an antidepressant alone can often push the person into a manic phase. So generally bipolar depression is treated with a mood stabilizer, or else a mood stabilizer along with an antidepressant.

CHUCKIE: I’d like to recycle an earlier point for elaboration.  What treatment options are available?
DR.DEE: As I mentioned before, medication management is pretty standard for this disorder, because it is primarily a biochemical problem. However, therapy and group therapy can be helpful in teaching a person to cope with their symptoms, and especially the impact of their behavior on their lives, their jobs, and their relationships.

CHUCKIE: Last question, can you share some of your experiences in treating BP?
DR.DEE: Well, I am working with a lady now who has bipolar disorder. She actually goes on drug binges, and part of that is to help her self-medicate her disorder. She can get to a state where she is hearing voices, and she actually has lost her children because of her behavior while manic. She has medication management, but there is some question about whether she is actually taking it regularly. Incidentally, people with bipolar disorder are notorious for NOT taking meds after a while. They feel as though since they have been stable on the medication for x amount of time that they don’t need it anymore. Once they stop, before long they are back in trouble again because of the mood disorder. At any rate, I am offering supportive therapy to this woman as she struggles to try to jump through the DFS hoops to try to get her children back. Not sure it’s going to happen, because she still tries to self-medicate, and admits that when she uses the drugs, she will not take her medication, because she knows they should not be used together.

CHUCKIE: Well Doc, as far as I’m concerned another blessing from you to us passengers in your sharing your knowledge.  Guess I’ll forgive for the H3.  Hey, there is always next year!
DR.DEE: Ok, then I’ll start billing you for all this, and we can use the money for a down payment on the H4, next Christmas!

CHUCKIE:  See ya next week Doc, love ya…
DR.DEE:  Love you too.  Say, what’s on the agenda or shall I say your little pea brain for next week?

CHUCKIE:  Hey, this is “MY” show, I’ll ask the questions “IF’n you please!
<LAUGHTER>

CHUCKIE:  Actually Doctor, next week I’d like to discuss techniques on how to handle getting personal news of, or learning of a loved one suddenly being diagnosed with terminal illness.

Dr.DEE:  Okay dude, bring it!

Roll credits (start video and see closing notes)…

Dr. Diedra Hayman Ph.D. can be reached at
APPLESOFGOLD.INFO

Proverbs 25:11 says that a word, skillfully spoken, is “like apples of gold in settings of silver”.  I hope that you will find skillfully spoken words of encouragement on her site.  You can email most if “ANY” questions you may have concerning topics that you would like to have (free) professional feedback on.  You will find her contact information on the site.

I feel that I am led, by God, the father of our Lord and Savior to help out my fellow man in whatever way I can.  Now, I will probably not find the cure for cancer, or find the solutions to emotional or mental illness, but I can pass along credible resources.

To him (Yahweh Elohim) be “ALL” the credit and glory if this information is in any way helpful.

Shalom!

Come on by the Church, the Deacon, Deacon Dan… has the doors open and the Pastor has a POWERFUL message.

Godly living requires that we have strong, biblical based convictions. When we are firmly anchored in God’s Word, we’re ready to face whatever challenges come our way.

For Today’s Message:

• applying colchicine to plants

CLICK

Charles The II.

Hey Passengers today my Daddy is 72 years young.  Please join me in wishing him the best day ever!

Dear Daddy,

Even though we’ve lived apart, I do not love you less. There’s provision in the heart For storing tenderness.

There’s a love that like a star Must reconfigure space To turn the far-flung wanderers Towards some predestined grace.

Time matters not, nor pain, nor death, Nor fate as hard as stone. This truth needs but a single breath, And that we now have known. Ah, Father! What a joy to live With love at last expressed! Life has no greater gift to give Than that with which we’re blessed!

None of us are perfect. As I have gone through this thing called life, I have now learned that there is no man manual or blue print for being a father or a husband, except that which is the word, the bible. It sickens me when people cannot see past the following, we are all, as long as we have breath in our bodies, just a work in progress.  Anyway, I look past imperfections, and I am so glad that you do the same. For that I love you, my Daddy.

My one regret is that there will not be a Charles III. But if there were, he’d probably look like this…

Happy Birthday Daddy
…Charles II.

BE OPTIMISTIC!

“OPTIMISTIC” That’s the word on the card I hand out to each of you has you board the LiFeTrain today to start a new week.

My favorite quote (which I believe to be but one of the greatest statements ever uttered) is from Nelson Mandela. Mandela is an icon – a rare species of a man, who was jailed for more than twenty years yet stayed focused and came out to break apartheid’s back, becoming his country’s first black president. In his book, Long Walk to Freedom, Mandela has a quote that I have shared so many times with different people. He says,

“I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature of nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lay defeat and death“. (p. 377)

What it means to me:

Leaders face many unique situations. There are times when their vision is clouded by present circumstances and it is so easy to give up and throw in the towel. There are times when even driving the process of change becomes a weary task and their motives and judgments are brought into question. All leaders experience those times when they are surrounded by situations that don’t seem to align with their purposes and plans. It is in those situations that true leaders thrive. True leadership demands an optimistic attitude. If you are going to achieve that which you set out for, you must stay focused and continue to believe in the vision. That is the key to success as a leader.

It is my prayer that as you leave the Train today you will be pumped up and full of O-P-T-I-M-I-S-M

So, as we say each and every Monday…”MERRY MONDAY”…

All Aboard…The LiFeTrain!

Oops…One Mo Thang…Let’s try to find some beauty this week, some Beauty in everything.

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. – Emerson

Hey Passengers welcome aboard and back for another session on the good Doc’s couch.  I really believe this was one of our better sessions.  I would humbly encourage you to invite anyone you know to the train to review this interview.  I found the information to be incredibly enlightening.  So, let’s mozy on back to the Doctor’s car, oh and stop by the cafe car and bring me some salted peanuts in the shell and a diet coke please…

Dr. Dee: So, Chuckie, one of the passengers has made a special request to discuss coping with a family member who has Alzheimer’s disease. Are you game?

Chuckie: “CALL THE POLICE!”, not only is this woman a brilliant Doctor but, she reads minds as well!  Come mere gurl!  Gimmie a hug!
Dr.Dee: “Security!”

Chuckie: Yes, it seems that this topic has been a theme in my life in terms of coming in contact with friends dealing with this.  How shall we begin?
Dr Dee: First of all I think we ought to talk a little bit about what exactly Alzheimer’s disease is. Alzheimer’s disease is a form of dementia. Not all dementia is Alzheimer’s but Alzheimer’s is characterized by dementia. This is a disease where a person gradually develops memory problems which are more and more severe. They begin by forgetting little things, and as the disease develops, they forget procedures we take for granted such as brushing their teeth getting dressed, and they forget people close to them and even their own name, as well as other personal bits of information. Usually the disease takes a slow course, and develops over several years.

Chuckie: I can see how this would be really sad, and frustrating for a family member.
Dr. Dee: Yes this can be very, very frustrating. In fact, the passenger who suggested this topic mentioned that from her perspective, dealing with a family member with Alzheimer’s is even more difficult to cope with than dealing with someone with a terminal disease.

Chuckie: Wow. That’s pretty heavy stuff. Why do think that might be?
Dr. Dee: Well, as with other situations, Alzheimer’s disease involves coping with a great deal of loss.  But unlike divorce, where that person is still the same person you were married to, only they’re just not there anymore, and unlike most terminal diseases where that person may have physical decline, but is still essentially the same person, Alzheimer’s disease involves a relatively physically healthy individual, who looks the same as you’ve always known in most cases, except that they’re getting older. When you look at this person who looks the same as they’ve always looked, you expect them to know you as they’ve always known you, and behave, as they’ve always behaved.  But they don’t.  And they don’t because they are losing their memory and memory forms the basis of who we are.  Not only that, Alzheimer’s is a slow moving disease.  So, just as you get to the point where you feel you have accepted some loss of who that person was, something else of that person you know and love, fades away, and you are right back at the beginning again, having to mourn the loss of something new, that is now no longer there.

Chuckie: So, what can a person who has a family member who is suffering with Alzheimer’s do? How can they cope with this constant series of losses that can apparently go on for a number of years?
Dr. Dee: Chuckie, this is one of those cases where a really good support group can be a life line.  In a support group for Alzheimer’s caregivers, a family member can meet with others who know exactly what the family member is going through. They can also offer helpful tips for coping with the little changes.

Chuckie: What kind of changes are common  for family members of patients with Alzheimer’s?
Dr. Dee: Two major kinds of changes have to be dealt with. On the one hand, dealing with a family member who has Alzheimer’s requires changes in role and relationships.  For instance, the Alzheimer’s patient may have been the one who handled the finances or the taxes or the cooking or the housekeeping.  But gradually they become unable to carry out those roles, and someone else has to step in and begin to do them.  This can be overwhelming and frustrating for the family member.  Sometimes they have to learn completely new skills, such as in the case of dealing with finances. Sometimes it involves leaving their own job to devote themselves to full-time care of the Alzheimer’s patient.  This can also be quite frustrating because jobs can define people in many ways, and to have to give that up can affect a caregivers self-esteem.  Sometimes caregivers feel guilty about these shifts in roles.  At other times, the may feel angry and resentful, that they now have to give up significant portions of their lives to become a caregiver.  The other major change that goes along with that, is the process of letting go of the person you once knew and loved, and beginning to accept the person who is evolving before you.  And that person changes from day to day and year to year,  so again, this process of letting go and accepting can go on for years.

Chuckie: Is there any cure for Alzheimer’s disease? Can anything be done to help patients with Alzheimer’s?
Dr. Dee: Unfortunately, no, there is no cure for Alzheimer’s disease. But there are a few treatments that are available.  However, the treatments, only appear to slow the progress of the disease. There are lifestyle modifications that can help in the earlier stages of Alzheimer’s.  As a person becomes more and more forgetful, it may be helpful for family members to create simple scrapbooks including pictures of loved ones with a few words, describing who they are, such as a picture of a daughter, with the words, “your oldest daughter” underneath.  Or even a picture list in the bathroom, describing what needs to happen in there, such as brushing teeth, bathing, toileting.  Of course, as the dementia, increases, they may likely forget exactly how to brush teeth, or bathe, or toilet appropriately. Simplifying the choices that an Alzheimer’s patient has available to them can also be very helpful.  For instance, if they have trouble deciding what to wear, cleaning out the closet of everything but 3 or 4 pairs of pants, 3 or 4 tops, 3 or 4 dresses, and a couple pairs of shoes, may be just what the doctor ordered.

Chuckie: What do you advise family members to keep in mind as they deal with loved ones who are gradually forgetting everything about who they are and what their lives have been like?
Dr. Dee: We need to always keep in mind that Alzheimer’s disease is no picnic for the patient either. They don’t suddenly wake up with dementia. It’s a gradual process where they often recognize that they are becoming more and more forgetful, and the world is gradually becoming more and more confusing for them. So, when they become angry or react in ways that don’t make sense, its helpful for family members to remember that the patient is often confused and frightened, and the world no longer makes much sense to them either. They are not intentionally trying to be hurtful and difficult, they simply can’t help what is happening to them. And, unfortunately neither can anyone else.  If family members can find a way to reframe the behaviors of the Alzheimer’s patient in a way that takes into account their own confusion, helplessness, and fear of this strange world developing around themselves, it can not only change the way a family member behaves toward the patient, but it is often helpful for the family member as a means of coping, as well.

Chuckie: Thanks for addressing this impromptu topic. Any parting words?
Dr. Dee: Sure. I can’t stress enough how important it is to get connected to an Alzheimer’s support group. There are major changes that have to come, over the course of dealing with the family member with Alzheimer’s, including eventually placing them in residential care. This can bring about all kinds of feelings in family members, including guilt, anger, and fear. Having the support of others who have been through that fire, or are going through it themselves, can be a major means of coping.

Chuckie: Doc, as far as I’m concerned you knocked this one out the park.  I know that many will be blessed by your willingness to let us partake weekly of your knowledge.  May your rewards be many in Heaven.
Dr.Dee: Thanks Chuckie, my pleasure.

Chuckie: Oh, Doc…one last question.
Dr.Dee: Yes?

Chuckie: Knock, Knock…
Dr.Dee: What?

Chuckie: Knock, Knock
Dr.Dee: “SIGH!” “…ok who’s there”

Chuckie: DOC!  We need to get you some help!  You are sitting here looking right at me and you axe,  “WHO’S THERE?”
Dr.Dee: BOY BYE!  GET OUT!!!

Roll credits…

Hey Passengers please pass the following site along to those who may need it, and remember there’s free help available at:

www.applesofgold.info

While I would NEVER advocate forsaking the gathering of the Saints, people do have a lot of reasons for not attending church.

People who travel often do not have access to a familiar church. Church-goers can be home-bound due to employment, weather, illness or care-giving. Some families may not have churches that work with their dynamics; the churches may not provide child-care or children’s programs.  Sometimes people feel lazy and would rather just stay under the covers than go to church.  Whatever the reason, I do encourage you to find a local Church.

However, if any of the above keeps you home-bound come on by the CHURCH: CLICK

…See today’s audio and visual offerings.

Today’s message:
“The Thrill of Trusting God!”
Be a friend, tell a friend…About my friend, “JESUS!”

B 4 u pick up today’s edition of the LiFeTrain Daily news remember, at the bottom of each page is the click-a-ble word next> .  This takes you back days, weeks, months of daily LiFeTrain stuff…

The LiFeTrain daily news…CLICK

Hey Passengers, Merry Monday, Happy New Week!  I came across something recently that struck me as a perfect story to share to get our week off to a great start.  It’s a story by Steve Troxel of God’s Daily Word Ministries.  If this story blesses you why not ask a friend or two to hop the train in order to share the following.  Steve begins:

I want to share two personal stories related to the message “Leave No Regrets”.  The first occurred as I was getting the message ready to
send.  I had just come back from back from saying goodnight to our two
younger daughters and the bedtime routine had not gone well.  Most
nights it does.  We kiss and pray, say something sweet, and turn out the
light.  But last night I seemed to be on edge and bedtime got way too
late.  My words were not sweet, my prayer was extra short, and I’m sure
both girls were feeling quite sad by the time the light switch was
turned off.  Then I sat down to put the finishing touches on the message
- you know, that message which exhorts thousands of people around the
world to glorify Christ in ALL.

It didn’t take long for conviction to set in.  At first I was able to
suppress the flashing sign from the Spirit, but then I got to the end of
the message, “live toward an end which will leave no regrets.”  Yes, I
regretted the way I spoke.  I went back to their room and apologized.
Kids are great.  I’m their hero once again.

The second story occurred a few months ago as we were traveling.  We saw
some great sites on our journey, but the highlight for me was visiting
with my brother who I haven’t seen for seventeen years.  No one planned
for there to be such a long separation.  There was no big falling out.
We just never saw each other…and seldom even talked.

I’ve tried to determine why this separation occurred.  Sure, there was a
problem with the physical distance, but I confess the main reason was my
tendency to become involved in my own world.  My intentions were good,
but I fell way short with making the effort to stay connected.

During the last several years as I’ve pondered more about things I might
regret if life were to soon end, the lack of relationship with my
brother has always been at the top of the list.  Did I mention he has a
wife and three kids – these would be my nieces and nephew…the youngest
who is now seventeen.  The last picture I have is holding my nephew as a
six week old baby.  Wow, life goes by so fast!

Ephesians 4:2-3
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another
in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the
bond of peace.”

The several day visit went extremely well!  I was nervous about how it
might go, but I could not have imagined a better time.  My brother is a
great cook, he’s funny, and he loves his family.

I often write about the world system which pulls us to live by a
different set of priorities.  We are enticed to live only for our own
desires, but our call is to others – to the unity of the Spirit through
the bond of peace.  Let’s look for ways to strengthen the bond of peace,
especially with those who are family or long term friends.  There will
always be barriers and forces which fight against this bond, so let’s be
determined to make every effort.

Have a Christ Centered Week!

All Aboard…The LiFeTrain!

Malachi 3:3 says: ‘He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.’

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God .

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn’t mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:  ‘ He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.’  She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.   The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, ‘How do you know when the silver is fully refined?’

He smiled at her and answered, ‘ Oh, that’s easy — when I see my image in it.’

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.   Pass this article on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them.

And, whatever they’re going through, they’ll be a better person in the end.

‘ Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.’

Hey Passengers, have a GR8 weekend!  All Aboard…The LiFeTrain!

Well passengers, another Thursday, another great session with Doctor Diedra Hayman on tap.  This week we look at the issue of Sexual Abuse.  So, without further delay let’s go ahead and sit with the good Doc.

Chuckie: Hey Doctor Gurl, Seester gurl…What’s shakin in the world of Dr.Dee this week?
DrDee: Not much. Gettin ready for my “vacation”. Life is good. By the way, if you havent done taxes yet, Taxslayer.com! I had a very good experience with them. First time doing it online. State refunds were in my account in two business days, and the feds are promising within two weeks of filing, which means birthday present!!! And no, I dont work for them.

Chuckie: Doc, this week I think I might be a little controversial but, based on some issues I’ve discussed with some of my closes friends I would like to look at the ramifications of Sexual abuse this week.  You good with that?
DrDee: Sure, why not.

Chuckie: Doc, as I understand it, Sexual abuse can be described as unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent. Most victims and perpetrators know each other.  Do you agree?  Can you further expound?
DrDee: Yes, most survivors did know their perpetrators. But sexual abuse doesn’t always involve “force”. It can also involve “seduction”, for lack of a better word. In other words, the victim is groomed with “sweet treats”, which can be literally candy or sweets for younger kids, or with privileges, or with promises of affection or special favor. And in another sense, sexual abuse doesn’t have to involve what we truly consider force, such as in a rape situation. The person can be “persuaded” to participate. And sexual abuse doesn’t have to include physical contact between the perp and victim. It can be exposing a child to pornography, or using them in it, it can involve causing someone to observe inappropriate sexual behavior between others, It can involve sexual comments (sexual harrassment). I think one of the saddest cases of sexual abuse I am working with now involves a young lady who was not ever touched, but she was forced to be present when her father was sexually abusing her maternal aunt, who is slightly older than she is. He would get the aunt drunk, then have sex with her in the presence of his daughter. The daughter, my client, was terrbily traumatized, and it has impacted her own relationships and sexuality. But she was never touched.

Chuckie: I have told very few people about this, but as a child I was abused by several older women, including a teacher.  I know this is bad, but i didn’t consider it abuse at the time.  Guess I was the ultimate naughty little boy…I know it isn’t a funny issue but…it was what it was, guess it’s a “man” thang?  I do know this, it was very confusing at first and I am sure it left me with some issues, more on that later.  So, I’d like to sit back here for a second and listen to what the ramifications are as we who have been abused grow into adulthood.  I guess I am being a bit selfish this week since this is a personal issue.  I’d like to do a reflection/reality check on myself by hearing from a professional on the possible side effects of this type of childhood abuse.
DrDee: You bring up a good point. For many, if you were to ask them if they were sexually abused, they would say “no”. People have very specific ideas about what it means to be sexually abused, or even raped for that matter. Often they think of a boy being abused by a man, or a girl being abused by a man. Many dont think that women can be sexually abusive, but they can. If a woman who is over the age of 18 becomes sexually involved with a boy under 18, she is sexually abusing him. In many states, its considered statutory rape, just as if a man were to become sexually involved with a girl underage. And with boys, it gets very complicated when the perp is a woman, because there are a lot of cultural expectations that go with being a boy. So becoming sexual with a grown woman is seen more as an “accomplishment” than as abuse. As for the ramifications or consequences, well, that all depends on the person who was abused, what the abuse was like, what the abuser was like, age, previous traumatic experiences or abuses. For some, there are really no measurable consequences. Yes, that’s right, some people can be abused and not have any measurable impact on their lives or emotional health. For others, even something as mild as one instance of fondling can be devastating. So the impact can vary from none at all, to something that causes severe emotional disturbance or serious impact on one’s ability to function in an intimate relationship. It just depends. On a lot of variables.

Chuckie: Most people will experience a trauma at some point in their lives, and as a result, some experience debilitating symptoms that interfere with daily life. What can you say to parents in terms of types of psychological interventions that are effective in preventing long-term effects.
DrDee: The jury is really still out on that. Some say have the child talk about it early. Others say leave it alone until the person wants to deal with it. And as with any issue, the most effective technique will depend on the person and the therapist. I think one of the most helpful things is for parents to just listen to their kids, and to believe them. Its true that in some isolated cases, some children (not including children in the foster care system) may “make up” a story of abuse. But usually they dont. Usually they have some reason for making the statements they make regardign abuse. Listen to them. I think so much damage is done just because the victim cant get anyone they trust to believe them when they say something happened. I think just listening to your kid and giving them the benefit of the doubt is one of the most powerful “psychological interventions” there is for preventing long term effects. When kids arent believed and protected, that adds a lot of complexity to a victim’s emotional response to the abuse.

Chuckie: What tips can you offer for recovering from sexual abuse of any kind.  How can a victim come to an understanding of the resultant emotions and normal responses that follow a disaster of this type or other traumatic event.  What  can  we do to help cope with feelings, thoughts and behaviors – and what can help one to get on a path to recovery.
DrDee: Well, as I mentioned earlier, sexual abuse isnt always a “disaster”. It certainly can be, and we usually hear of the cases where it was disastrous. But there are many out there who have been abused sexually but suffer very few, if any, emotional consequences. If the abuse was traumatic, then feelings of shame, anger, betrayal, sadness, loss, confusion, distaste for sexuality, lowered self-esteem, guilt, and even fearfulness and panic, can all be part of the response pattern for victims. They may even feel “different”, and “alone”. Some victims even develop post traumatic stress disorder, which is a serious anxiety disorder that can develop in some people after a life threatening trauma. For others, if the abuse is very severe at very young ages, personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder, or dissociative disorders such as Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) may develop as a means of coping with horrendous abuse which usually is coming in multiple forms starting very very young, usually perpetrated by sadistic people. Aside from working with a therapist, a victim can read and work through books such as “Courage to Heal”, and others aimed at helping a victim become a survivor. Some pastors are helpful in this area, but many pastors are not trained to deal with more serious emotional issues such as those that can be caused by sexual abuse. If one finds that the emotional consequences of sexual abuse are interfering with one’s ability to function in some significant way, then its advisable to work with a therapist either individually or in one of the many support and therapy groups for victims of sexual abuse.

Chuckie: I think we could probably go on for hours about this subject, so I will stop with a final request to you to give some parting thoughts or some benefits of your experience with sexual abuse.
Dr.Dee: For those who are seriously impacted by the effects of sexual abuse, working on those issues can be ver difficult. Usually, the victims I see are experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and part of that disorder is that one tries to avoid anything that reminds them of the trauma. That means they dont want to become sexually involved with their partners. It also means they dont want to talk about the trauma, even though that’s what they say they are coming to therapy for. So for those who have tried to work on that issue, just go anyway. If you are in an avoidant state of mind, just tell the therapist “hey, today I dont want to talk about all that.” But go. Once you stop going, you make if very difficult to move forward. You don’t always have to talk about the abuse every time you walk in the therapist’s office. A well-trained therapist will help you understand what you are doing (avoiding), but wont refuse to work with you if you dont want to “go there” on that particular day. The important thing is to maintain the therapeutic relationship. When you feel safe enough, you’ll let the therapist help you “go there”.

Hey Passengers please pass the following site along to those who may need it, and remember there’s free help available at:

www.applesofgold.info

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