Well passengers today, as promised we are stopping the train at the Lawoffice station. Today we continue with our recurring offer of Legal tips (Legally Speaking with Attorney Ewing Carter III). I am going to spare you our on-going debate as to who is the superior athlete at the beginning of each of these interviews and get right to it. But first…
Here we are at the legal station, let’s pick EC III’s brain. And remember feel free to comment and or send in some questions. Hey, free is free! But, on the real, if you have friends and relatives in the North Carolina, Piedmont Triad, tell them the LifeTrain conductor HIGHLY recommends this guy! Like he says…”He takes it personal!” (www.ecarterlaw.com ). He’s not much of an athlete but, in a court of Law, you definitely want this guy between you and the Judge.
EC III: HELLO!!! I can hear you! I can whip you in anything from jacks to hop scotch to the hoop! Chuckie: Whatever dude! Listen, with all the hype about football injuries, concussions and such, before we get started today I have a question. If my godson, EC IV was back in high school or even at Hampton Univ., where he’s a student
now, and he told you that he wanted to play football, would you allow him to play? I asked this question here on the “Train,” and you know how crazy I was when we played in high school……yep!……. and how much you admired me…. (grinning)….oops, I’m getting off track…What are your thoughts on this issue before we begin this week’s topic on “Legally Speaking.”
EC III: I would let him play in high school, if that’s what he wanted. I began playing when I was nine (9) years old. Football helped finance my undergraduate degree and I was able to meet some very good friends, so the experience was good for me. But I think that starting to play tackle football in college for the first time, is ill-advised, and I would be against it.
Chuckie: Ok, cool. I was pondering over if there was a CPD III would I let him play. More on that in another day’s post. Now, here’s the deal for today. I pumped you in terms of your one ability that I can vouch for, the law and being a Lawyer. And I was thinking how I prepare to speak with my Doctor, accountant and even my minister. I prepare with notes and even images showing my doctor “where it hurts”. Now there is a question in here somewhere. How important is it for the passengers to understand the importance of coming totally clean to one’s attorney? EC III: Well Mr. Conductor, a good conversation piece. As an attorney I’m actually glad you brought this up; in a way I get to purge.
EC III: We have all heard a portion of this phrase recited by a Clerk of Court to a testifying witness about to take the stand: “Please place your left hand on the Bible and raise your right hand — Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? And this is your solemn promise or affirmation? Answer: “I do.” Chuckie: Right, ok…
EC III: Well for the sake of understanding let’s create a scenario: You have a looming legal problem that you’ve procrastinated about for some time. You’ve finally called a lawyer and scheduled and office consultation to discuss the matter and you’re feeling apprehensive, distrustful, and somewhat embarrassed by the problem. You were hoping that the problem would just go away or resolve itself over time — but it hasn’t. Now, you’re about to meet this lawyer who you’ve heard about, but don’t know. Your thoughts are — how much is this going to cost? Do I have to appear in court and testify? How long does this entire process take? What is the likely outcome? Do I have the right lawyer?
EC III: These are all normal thoughts and concerns, now let’s use them to your advantage during your first meeting with your prospective attorney.
Rule #1: Begin by telling your lawyer everything about your case from the beginning to the end. Well, you may wonder: Why do I have to tell this person everything? Some of this stuff is personal and none of his business, and should not have anything to do with my case. ….If those are your thoughts, you may be mistaken.
While you’re sitting across from the lawyer evaluating whether you want to hire them, they are deciding whether they want you as a client. I can say from my own personal experience, that an important element in
determining whether I choose to represent someone or not is: that person’s ability to be forthcoming and honest about their problem. As human beings, none of us are mind readers. If you don’t tell your lawyer, doctor, accountant, or any professional, everything about your case, regardless of how bad you think it is…. you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I’ve heard a lot of “stuff” in legal cases over the years. However, It’s somewhat amazing how a good legal remedy can be fashioned around a bad set of facts. For this to happen, the lawyer must be made aware of everything that has happened and should not have to guess what happened, or waste time persuading the client “to tell it all.” It is frustrating and embarrassing to be working with someone and to get “blind-sided” by a crucial fact that now hurts your case, because your legal counsel wasn’t put on notice and had time to prepare for it. So remember, your answer to the question: Do you solemnly swear to tell your lawyer the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God, concerning the facts of your case? “I do.”
Tell Your Lawyer the truth! The whole truth! Nothing but the truth!
Chuckie: Well, once again, good stuff Mr. Law guy! The whistle is blowing so…All Aboard! EC III: Must you be so loud?
Oh passengers before we pull out, in case you were wondering, I am to this day the superior athlete! And since I control the content of the LifeTrain, there will be no rebuttal!!! LOL!
And that’s the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!
A while back, I wrote a blog post about giving people the benefit of the doubt, and suggested, as I often do, that people rarely intend to be hurtful.
Someone wrote in the comments that I’ve obviously never encountered a sociopath. This got me thinking about the many times I’ve heard women refer to men they’ve dated as sociopaths and narcissists. It occurred to me that many of those men likely treated them horribly, but may not have had mental disorders. There are sociopaths out there, but more often than not when people hurt us, it’s not because of psychiatric diagnoses. It’s because they’re hauling around pain from their pasts and crashing it into everyone they meet.
Thank you for riding with me…All Aboard!
When someone knowingly manipulates or uses others, or deliberately tries to control or intimidate them and they aren’t mentally ill, it’s rarely a happy, well-adjusted person who simply decided to be heartless and cruel. In understanding this, we can be compassionate—but that doesn’t mean we need to willingly accept mistreatment. The question then becomes: how do we know when to give someone the benefit of the doubt, and when to withhold it?
Last week a reader shared an insightful Oprah quote that read, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” While I don’t believe any one action defines who someone is, I think there’s something to this. Actions speak louder than words. And repeated actions are what shape our character and reputation. If someone says they want to spend time together but repeatedly fails to show up, they are communicating that they aren’t willing to follow through on their promises. If someone says they’re trustworthy but repeatedly lies, they are communicating that their word can’t be trusted. If someone says they want to change but repeatedly fails to make an effort, they are communicating that they aren’t willing to do things differently.
Acknowledging this isn’t forming judgments. It’s recognizing the facts so that we can make a wise choice based on how things are—not how we want them to be. We may recognize we’re being mistreated and choose to set and enforce a boundary. We all deserve second chances, and sometimes a third or fourth. But other times we need to open our eyes so that we know when enough is enough.
It’s never our fault when someone else hurts us, but it’s within our power to stop allowing it.
Hey Passengers, All Aboard and Merry Monday! Let’s start this week out with a smile and a smooth stride down the tracks here on the LifeTrain. For those of us who may have to travel through a storm or two this week remember, there is peace in the midst of the storms!
Kick it (today’s song for this post):
Peace is not just the absence of a storm, but rest in the middle of the storm. Many of us could use that kind of peace right now, and it is the kind of peace that you can have right now if you’re resting where you ought to be.
Peace be still this week…
As our headlines have become dominated with new dangers and so many hearts have been struggling with new anxieties and fears, we’re ready for the incredible peace offered in Psalm 46. It is good news for troubled times and should be our word for every day! “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” The more troubled things are, the more present God makes Himself. The psalmist then says, “Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.” Everything’s collapsing, even things that have always been there for us. Have no fear because “God is our refuge and strength.”
I know each Monday we espouse about the virtues of making Monday’s Merry. I know that the below is for someone today (and perhaps tomorrow). So, please check out the story below, consider passing it on or letting someone you know who might need this, have them come here, to the Train.
And oh yeah, as per LiFeTrain protocol, Monday’s are never blue…they are Merry…so “Merry Monday”.
Three trees were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, ‘Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would seethe beauty.’ Then the second tree said, ‘Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull.’
Finally the third tree said, ‘I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me.’
After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees.
When one came to the first tree he said, ‘This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter,’ and he began cutting it down.
The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest. At the second tree the woodsman said, ‘This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard.’ The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.
When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, ‘I don’t need anything special from my tree, so I’ll take this one’, and he cut it down.
When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end.
The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams. Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in thefeed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.
In the midst of any storm this week, remember….Peace be still…
Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn’t think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and He stood and said ‘Peace’ and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.
Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.
The moral of this story is that when things don’t seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts.
Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don’t always know what God’s plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.
Welcome aboard once again, glad we are starting the week out together.
KICK IT! (The music for today’s post, like wine with your meal):
The # one LifeTrain rule: NEVER GIVE UP!!!
As I started my week off this morning shaving my bald dome I marveled with disappointment in myself. Like most Homo-sapiens I sometimes lament over past mistakes and bad decisions. But, I reminded myself that like EVERY one else, I am “perfectly Imperfect”.
It’s during these times that I tap into what is rather cathartic for me, turn on music and WRITE (about what’s troubling me). So I headed to the keyboard. All the while something was whispering to my spirit, my soul, psyche and mind about
bad decisions made and what ifs. What if at the fork in the road I should’ve gone left instead of right? Why could I have made such a stupid decision? Why am I not perfect, why am I not a Vulcan, devoid of emotions. Why am I so, so human (LOL)? Fortunately I stay buried in research (and the Bible) so that at just such times of doubt I can refer to logic, faith and Christ.
I quickly reminded myself that I cannot undo the past. I also decided to share my thoughts so that when this type of thing hits you, maybe even this week you can employ some of my
But I realize, God made us Human and there are no such things as Vulcans…
tools. For example, as much as possible I will always try to obtain counsel. In difficult decisions it’s wise to get spiritual and practical counsel from the godly leaders in your life. A pastor,
elder, parent, or simply a mature believer can often contribute important insight, answer questions, remove doubts and confirm inclinations. Make sure to choose individuals who will
offer sound biblical advice and not just say what you want to hear. Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.~ Proverb 15:22
Remember, and this a “BIG” one for me…Sometimes your heart and feelings can trick and mislead you. And, sometimes you can be too heady, intellectual and become stuck in paralysis of analysis. Don’t just “brainstorm.” A more holistic
approach is to engage your brain, heart and spirit. This week, be prayerful asking God to speak to your heart and mind.
QUOTE: “Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.”
This week, join me in being creative and willing to think outside the box of comfort, tradition and people pleasing. AND! …and may we always remember we can’t afford to blame or expect everyone to understand and co-sign our decisions.
Another BIG one for me is to forever keep in mind is to NOT be in denial or fantasize. We all must consider the alternatives, risks and consequences.
As you hop off the train I will hand each and every one of you an index card. It reads:
How will our decisions this week (and going forward) impact our relationships, health, income, integrity, time, values, opportunities, career, character, education, travel, peace of mind, etc?
I suggest KAIZEN. That is a Japanese word for gradual and continuous improvement.
…1/10 of 1% continuous improvement.
One more thing if I may…There may come a time this week when you might need to remember…”When the world comes tumbling down …Please, just…
“MAKE THE BEST OF WHAT’S STILL AROUND…”
I Hope you’ll continue to ride along with me in this thing called Life…here on the LifeTrain…
ALL ABOARD!!! So glad you decided to hop aboard and ride the Train with me today!
KICK IT!!! The Mood, (The music for today’s post)
Summer is turning gently, slowly, gracefully around to reveal Fall’s first crisp breeze and first brightly colored leaf. It’s a perfect time of year to revamp on the inside, to literally turn over a new leaf and reveal a fresh and improved version of ourselves. I think we can learn a lot about change from observing good old Mother Nature:
We can witness how those luscious, sweet, balmy summer nights slowly transition into something crisper, softer, cooler. It’s quite a breathtaking process. The shift takes place so gradually—just a tiny, little bit each day, building steadily towards the season’s change. Nothing is ever forced.
Fall does not walk in and scream to summer, “Get out!” and we should not do this with ourselves either. A seemingly slight change that isn’t twisted or forced can transform us more deeply than we know.
As I’ve (very frustratingly) realized, the more I push for results, the less I see them.
It can feel like a cruel trick, right? But, as we watch the seasons shift, it’s a good reminder to revel in the beauty of our inner process. We are all always transitioning, in one way or another. Although I often want immediate change, I’ve (also very frustratingly) realized, this is rarely how it goes.
All Aboard!!! The LifeTrain!!!
It can be so difficult to sit back and have faith, but that is exactly what we need to learn to do, above all else. Look to nature, and see how she beautifully trusts that summer will turn to Fall. This process is not questioned; rather, it’s supported and allowed to unfold exactly as it needs. We need to mirror this more passive, supportive attitude within ourselves.
On the inside, we are often changing seasons, too.
Personally, I’m trying to transition from the harsh and unforgiving season of “ Intense Anxiety” into the more calm and collected season of “Balance and Confidence.”
There are so many steps on the way. Each of them is equally important, even though sometimes the whole process can be difficult to accept. Some days, it feels like I haven’t changed at all. My mind races, and my anxiety surrounds me like a heavy black cloud, following me relentlessly wherever I go. But, there are also days where the anxiety is only there in the background, as though it’s been dialed down to a “low” setting.
On the hard days, it’s hard to remember that the good days exist.
At times, I feel incredibly discouraged and disappointed, and it seems useless to continue to work on myself. Instead of wallowing in my self-pity (with a double cheese, pepperoni pizza and Netflix), I try to make it a practice to look to nature:
It strikes me deeply how despite anything, she is sturdy and unquestioning in herself. She is so darn confident in her process. Sometimes, this makes me feel worse, envious even. But, sometimes, it inspires me to pause for a moment and be more confident and unquestioning in my own process.
It inspires me to embrace my frustration, to scream and cry if I feel the need. Who’s to say that this, too, is not part of the journey down the tracks on the LifeTrain? Maybe it’s actually quite a beautiful and key part.
It’s all about the balance…All Aboard!
As I’m slowing and moving from anxiety to balance, it feels very much like shifting from the hot, intense sun of Summer to the fresh breeze of Fall. I’m just beginning my change, and thankfully nature is there to remind me that this is perfectly okay.
All of these steps, these feelings, and these difficulties are a part of the transition: the beautiful, at times maddening transition on the journey down these tracks to becoming ourselves.
Whatever inner season we are moving towards, let’s try to embrace the exquisiteness of the process. And, as the leaves start to change, it reminds us that we can, too.
Thank you so much for hopping the Train today! It’s lonely here without you. Leave a comment sometime…
As you board today I give you a business card with just these words on it:
“ALWAYS” go with the needle and thread”…
Kick the music and ride (read) on…
From the now “Old Guy” to the young cats…
As I find myself in the last trimester of life I realize that there were lessons learned, some too late and some just in a nick of time…that I should share.
There were times as a young cat I realized that the Old Cats knew a thang or two. I listened to some of the old cat stuff and it saved me from some stuff. But, it took a while for the spirit of what I am about to throw out into the universe to take hold on me. I can only pray that a young cat or two will take heed. Oh, and thanks to all the old cats that took me aside…
Leave a comment and Friend me on Facebook…
Always go with the needle and thread…
I didn’t always know this because as a young buck I was seduced by a BIG behind. Now I realize it’s a big mind that should be priority one. Young bucks, don’t let your eyes deceive you.
Young dudes, first PULL YOUR [deleted] pants up!
Second remember try as we might, we are NOT superman. We can come close but, trust me; life will rip that “S” right off your chest. It’s at that time you will find that a woman will do one of two things. She will try not to trip over that “S” as she walks away. Or, she will get out her needle and thread. A good woman will sew it back on, kiss you, hug you, smack you on the [deleted] and tell you to man up and fly!
Young cats, take it from the now old cat, always go with the one who has a box labeled Jesus containing needle and thread…
Not a sermon, just some thoughts… C. Prince Daniel
Hey passengers, one thing I (your LifeTrain conductor) will do is try to bring you tips that may come in handy now and in the future. We offer recurring segments to include. life tips, tech tips and even legal tips. Today we answer a question submitted by a passenger dealing with the loss of a license. Let’s head back to the Train’s legal office and chat with the Attorney, Ewing Carter III – www.Ecarterlaw.com .
Chuckie: EC III! EC III: Oh no, I see you have been in my coffee pot again…Mr. Caffeine!
Chuckie: Washington has RG III and the LifeTrain has EC III! What’s up my brother? EC III: It’s all good, what do you have for me this week?
Chuckie: A JOKE! EC III: NOOOOO! Please man, PLEASE! From pee wee football, through junior high to High School to the birth of my children! You and them corny [deleted] Jokes. Please no! Chuckie: Now you know you live for my jokes! A squirrel loses his tail and goes to the Mall for a new one, what store does he get it from? ECIII: You know what, I know you and you won’t give up so. WHAT KIND OF STORE MAN??!! Chuckie: wait for it…Wait for it… A RE”TAIL” STORE!
Chuckie: Ok, alright, A passenger has an issue for us to discuss, they wrote: In February of this year, I drove from my home (New York, NY) to Richmond, Virginia to visit a friend. While passing through West Virginia to Virginia, a Highway patrolman stopped me and gave me a ticket for speeding 80 mph in a 65 mph zone. I had a lot going on at the time, and forgot to pay the ticket. Last week I got stopped for speeding again in New York, and the officer said that my license had been revoked for failure to comply with an out of state citation. Now, I have two (2) new tickets: speeding 50mph in a 35 mph zone and Driving While License Suspended. My court date for these new tickets is 3 weeks away.
Chuckie: What is the most expeditious way for her to handle this problem? EC III: Expeditious…that’s a pretty big word for you isn’t it? Chuckie: HAR!
EC III: My suggestion is: (1) Contact an attorney in the county or city where you received the West Virginia citation. If you don’t know exactly where it occurred, get a copy of your driving history from the DMV. Your record will tell you the county of the offense and the citation file number. Then, (2) retain an attorney in that locale to add the ticket back on the court docket for disposition. The attorney should be able to dispose of the speeding ticket without your appearance in court.
Chuckie: OK, and the new charges, how would they be handled? EC III: As far as the new charges are concerned, you will have to personally appear in court and request a continuance, or hire local counsel to continue the cases until after the ticket in West Virginia is handled. A citation for driving while license suspended/revoked cannot be paid. Because of the seriousness of the offense, a mandatory court appearance is required. But again, if local counsel is retained, he/she can appear in your stead. These suggestions can seem expensive relative to handling a mere speeding ticket, however my response is: what is most important to you?
EC III: After handling hundreds of driving while license suspended/revoked tickets over the past 20 years, I have witnessed nice people severely damage their privilege to drive because of: (1) not knowing what to do, (2) doing the wrong things, and/or (3) simply neglecting the problem.
Chuckie: So…There is hope? EC III: Yes, The “brighter side” – Suppose you’re living with the worst case scenario — your license is permanently revoked… In the state of North Carolina, permanent revocation means: four (4) years. So, provided, that you’ve done everything necessary in order to become eligible for license reinstatement, four years is the longest you will have to wait. Also, you can become eligible for early reinstatement (after two years), provided you request a Hearing before a DMV Officer, and follow their additional requirements.
Chuckie: Good stuff lawyer type dude…Now how bout another joke? EC III: “GET OUT!”
Hey Passengers, welcome back aboard the train for another week aboard the Train. Well, let’s get right to it, KICK IT! The music I selected for you to digest today’s post….
Today’s ride is part III of our look at how to Fail Well. I hope this series is of some help to you. I could actually keep parsing out many parts to thiis series but, unless you my fellow passengers say other wise, I will pause this series and move on to another station. Not to fret though, we shall return. In closing out for now I want to leave you with a collection of tips that I picked from my failing well archive. Read (Ride) on…
If millions of others have gotten through failure, so will you. Don’t let ideals of perfectionism stunt your growth and do not compare yourself to success stories; those success stories contain many failures that never get spoken about.
Don’t let failing bring you down. If you were determined and you failed, try again. A man who fought failure all his life but will always be remembered for his tenacity and endurance is Winston Churchill. He once said, “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm”. And he lived out that belief despite tremendous odds.
Don’t expect overnight miracles to occur. You can’t get over a huge setback fast but you can care for yourself while you mend and not dive deeper into despair. Remember that you’re not the first to fail, you won’t be the last, and you will bounce back again if you allow yourself. Yes, it is a choice to make, so choose to come back stronger.
Count every trial as an act of courage, a small success in itself. Building persistence can accomplish enormous things and turn all the failed trials along the way into minor successes. A writer seeking to get published could pin up every rejection slip as proof that they’re a real writer, doing the job the way the job really works. A successful sales representative looks at the proportion of successes to failures and gets used to “No” most of the time as just part of the job.
The # one LifeTrain rule: NEVER GIVE UP!!!
Don’t take it as your failure if something was dependent on other people’s decisions and actions. If your project didn’t get accepted and was a good project, it still is a success. Many people fear “failure” in situations that are so unpredictable success and failure don’t apply to them at all.
Lists and goal journals are really helpful for some people when failure seems to happen often. If failure derails your thinking processes and leaves you feeling anxious, use such props to steer you back on course again. There is no shame in using them, nobody expects fast and organized thinking to happen all of the time, and for some people it’s overwhelming to be expected to always think like that. Organize yourself well and things will seem less arduous to tackle when you get back on your feet.
And if ever you find yourself thinking self-piteously: “I wish I were as lucky as X”, remember that luck is for leprechauns. Life is about good management, not luck.
Step back a bit, give yourself some breathing room. One thing that can help cushion failure at something large is to do some small, easy things that you know you’ll succeed in, whatever they are. Steady, slow progressive success at something else, like learning to draw and not expecting a masterpiece but just to succeed at “draw something every day” or an easy exercise regimen like “walk daily at the most convenient time” can help to cushion the failure of a large project.
Kick it! Like wine with your meal, this song for your post!
As you board the Train today I give you a black and white business card…it reads:
I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.
Failure is a given in life; expecting to sail through without a hiccup is unrealistic and sets you up to fall harder when failure does happen. Avoiding failure also prevents you from focusing on gaining the resiliency needed to cope with it, a vital element of bouncing back.
It is unfortunate that in societies obsessed with success and achievement, failure can be made to feel like the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. The reality is that failure is commonplace but so is overcoming it and pushing through to more successful endeavors in the future. Even where a failure cannot be salvaged, there is always something to be learned from it. In my upcoming posts, you’ll learn a little about how to overcome failure through having the right attitude. At least that’s how your faithful conductor handles failure. When you don’t let the mishaps of life keep you down too long, then nobody else will be able to keep you down too long either.
A side note, everything that goes wrong is not your failure. When my mother passed I thought I was a failure as a son, what could I have done more of I thought. In reality, there was nothing I could’ve done to keep her on this earth one more single day. When my ex-wife left me in 2002 I searched and searched for a way to make myself think I was not a failure. In reality I wasn’t. See my post titled “Not even Apologies…”
Truth is passengers; everybody who hops the Train in life with us might not be with us until our last stop. It’s just a fact of life here on the LifeTrain.
Well…did I just digress? Laugh at life with me!
Dear Passengers, I am not sad when I share my life things…I am rejoicing that God brought me through…
So as Madea would say IN-TEE WAY…Let’s begin to look at failure for what it truly is and is not!
Expect mistakes. Life’s hard knocks are as common as life’s success knocks. To expect the process of living to always be smooth sailing is to invite a lack of realism into your life. It happens to the best of us. Failure helps to create balance in your life and presents an opportunity for personal growth. Accepting the inevitability that things won’t always go your way is an important part of avoiding becoming bitter and twisted, or of preventing yourself from simply resting on your laurels and never pushing further to realize your full potential. Learn to love finding out that you’re wrong about something. That’s not failure; its enlightenment and the path to finding the right way.
Consider reading up on how to control perfectionism if this behavioral trait is holding you back in life. Perfectionism causes us to fear failure and to feel we’re personally a failure when we’re faced with it. Seeking to always be perfect sows our own seeds of disappointment. Trying and failing is a much better teacher of what it means to be human than never trying and never succeeding.
Forget about how other people view you. Not only will any very obvious failure soon be yesterday’s news, but if you think other people are judging you (and maybe they are, maybe they aren’t), it won’t be long before they’re too busy worrying about their own failures to sling mud at yours. After all, everyone’s going to fail now and then; inflicting gloating on someone else has a way of boomeranging right back, a reality which serves as a natural form of tapering off constant criticism. And ultimately, what’s it matter what the critics think? Most of the time they haven’t a clue what effort has gone into what you’ve done and what you’re trying to achieve – it’s all too easy to be an expert critic without being privy to the inside information. Allow each failure to serve as an opportunity to strengthen your determination in the face of criticism. This is a far more positive and self-sustaining response than giving in to believing the often nasty and thoughtless things other people can say.
Well Passengers, I know I need to give this series to you in small edible bites so I will give you one more note and close this part for today’s ride. let’s just call today’s post part II of
Dear Passengers, I can’t tell you how many times man has said no…but, God said yes! So LET THEM TALK and tell you you can’t…God will say YOU CAN!!!
Remind yourself that you are good enough. Not believing we are good enough rests at the heart of fearing failure. Failures serve as proof of this greatest fear, causing us to want to withdraw and not try again for fear of being further exposed as inadequate and incapable. However, this fear is not founded in reality; nobody is perfect and everyone will err at various points in life. The real difference between people who become successful and overcome failure and those who do not comes down to how you manage failure and how you view its impact on you. Feeling inadequate is a commonplace human feeling that even very public, very successful people feel but they don’t let it keep them down. You are good enough; all you need is to give yourself the go-ahead to keep trying. Lastly, read the Biography of Henry Ford, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Madame CJ Walker and Robert Noyce to name just a few of our society success stories and see how they overcame failures. One thing’s for sure, they certainly “Failed Well!”
In my opinion, the difference between successful people and un-successful people is their ability to “Fail Well” …C. Prince Daniel
KICK IT!!! (The wine with the meal or in this case, the music with the post)
Hey Passengers almost everything we do has elements of failure and success. I simply cannot tell you how many, many times I have failed at things in life. But, one thing I can thank the good Lord for is the ability he put in me to “FAIL WELL!” .
Over the years the ride on this Train, the LifeTrain (Blog) I have met some of the most amazing people. And I hate to say it but, some of my passengers could soar to even HIGHER heights if they would only learn to Fail Well. “SO”, as your conductor I have decided to stop the train at this station called “FAIL WELL”, USA. I want to coach you, my feellow passengers to take the time to get out of our tendency towards black-and-white thinking and appreciate what worked as well as what can be learned from what didn’t. Try to think about all the ways you are better because the failure happened: What did you learn? How did the experience help you?
As humans, we’re hardwired to experience strong physiological responses to failure. Our stomach clenches, palms sweat, shoulders pull down, heart rate increases, etc. These reactions trigger defensive mechanisms in our brain. The primary purpose of the defense is to expel the discomfort of the reaction at any cost and here is where we see blame, self-criticism, avoidance, and quick-fix reactions that generally undermine our learning at best and hurt those around us at worst. Pause. Wait for the amygdale reaction to pass. THEN choose how you will react to the situation.
Over the next few posts this week and maybe just a bit into next week we will look at how to Fail Well! So remember the following:
“Failure happens all the time. It happens every day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it.” Mia Hamm
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.” Steve Jobs
“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” Bill Cosby
“One who fears failure limits his activities. Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again.” Henry Ford